It's Friday afternoon, which means it's time for 10 Things We Want This Week, in which we find things worthy of overcharging your parents' Capital One card. (And, c'mon, dude. You're 26. You should stop doing that someday soon.)
I don't want to find all this shit on my lonesome. If you see something cool on the Internet or want to pimp one of your own products, shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org, and I'll try to feature it in an upcoming edition of the column. It's a win-win sitch.
Alright, let's do it.
10. Batarang Folding Knife, $8.74
Does this knife give you carte blanche to don a mask and start wiping out crime syndicates? Absolutely not. Can it seriously injure or possibly kill someone if it is thrown like a real Batarang? Most assuredly, yes. Is it awesome, though? Oh my God, of course. Look at it: Dual blade action, the Batman logo in the middle, and knife quality that Cool Material calls "surprisingly good." Plus, it's only $11. Batman dropped several hundred million on his armored suit and gadgets. This costs, like, .001% of what he spent, and you're already almost there. Buy it. Be Batman.
9. Salvatore's Alcoholic Pizza, Unknown Price
This is for anyone in the Boston area: Salvatore's is now serving pizza dunked into vodka. It's enough to make you actually have to show ID, and apparently the pizza is really good. “Company policy says with anything that contains alcohol, we have to card,” Paone told the Boston Herald. “When we ate them, we were not tipsy, but you could tell we had some alcohol in us.” We're going to see if they deliver to New York.
8. Game of Thrones Toilet Decal, $29.99
Take it away, Robb:
Endorsed by Robb Stark, son of Lord Eddard Stark and King in the North.
But seriously. I was writing some postage yesterday, crankin' out some Game of Thrones theme music on Spotify (because what else is Spotify for other than Game of Thrones music?), and I realized that the third season of greatness isn't actually that far away. Sure we still got another six months or so, but yo, that's like less than seven months. Or eight. Winter's a-creepin'.
So yea. For a Greyjoyian price of $29.99, you can get this vinyl decal tacked onto your toilet. Obviously, this will make for great conversational material when girls need to use your bathroom after you somehow lured them back to your decrepit man-cave. "Hey, my floor may be littered with unwashed towels and YMCA t shirts from 1997, but babe--you'll defecate like a princess."
7. Clarks Desert Trooper, $100
Hey, speaking of winter coming: You're going to need to make sure you're feet are well-protected pretty soon. I've had mixed feelings on Clarks' boots in the past (let's face it, some models of the Wallabee are hideous), but I'm a fan of the leather boot Clarks is releasing this season. It adds a outer sole to the classic boot, and the the leather design is a timeless look. Your best bet is the Desert Trooper [above].
6. Prometheus 4-Disc Blu-Ray Edition, $24.99
You either loved or hated Prometheus, but there is no denying that the movie looked spectacular. The space scenes were some of the best ever shot, and the whole movie had a gigantic quality that will look great on Blu-Ray. Plus Ridley Scott's film has Charlize Theron in a skin-tight spacesuit throught the running time. That's worth a purchase.
5. Mass Effect Trilogy, $60
Speaking of sci-fi stuff, Mass Effect may be one of the best game trilogies of all time, while also landing the coveted title of Worst Game Ever to Watch a Friend Play (seriously, friendships have been lost over watching someone read several lines of dialogue and then spend seconds mulling over whether to answer aggressively or neutrally). If you've ever wanted to get into the game, now is the time: EA is releasing all three in one bundle for only $60, of the price of just Mass Effect 3 a few months ago. Not a bad deal at all.
If there is a downside, it's that by buying this game, you're essentially ending your life for a couple of weeks. Social interactions, schoolwork, whatever. It ain't getting done. Just keep that in mind.
4. Video Camera Ski Goggles, $399
It's never too early to think about ski season, and this may just be the perfect accessory for a hardcore skier. Made by Zeal Optics, the HD camera goggles shoots 8 megapixel HD photos and 1080p HD-quality video while you're skiing. The video camera may break if you hit a tree. Although, that's probably the least of your worries.
3. Handmade Cocktail Company, $23
Ever watch "Mad Men" and think, I'm done with the vodka and OJ—I'm mixing classy drinks? And then you try to make a Negroni and you either don't have all the ingredients or you fuck it up royally and you're left with a shitty half-mixed cocktail that barely gets you buzzed as sure has hell doesn't get you laid? Enter the Handmade Cocktail Company. All you do is pour one of these bottles over a tumblr with ice, and you've got yourself a perfectly mixed cocktail. I have no idea if they're actually good, but if you're a lazy drunk (and what drunks aren't lazy?), this looks like a must-purchase.
2. Uniform Wares 203 Series Watches, $450
Every man needs a good watch. Not every man can afford a really nice watch. The Uniform Wares 203 Series is a classy, modestly priced timepiece that will keep you looking fresh until you've saved up enough for that Tag Heuer.
1. HotTug Boat, $12,000
As always, we end with an aspirational pick. This week, it's the HotTug boat, which is a Hot Tub that is also a boat. We'll leave it at that.