Big week for buying stuff. Here are our 10 things we want this week:
Bathroom iPad Pedestal, $44.99
This is a toilet paper holder that you can mount your iPad on. GAME CHANGER. Think of the marathon dumps this thing will inspire. It should come with a warning label: "May lose all feeling in legs after a 45-minute Temple Run session."
Braven Weather Resistant Speaker, $179.99
I can't see this being useful in that many situations, but for the once-a-year moment when it is, it really is. The Braven is a wireless, weather-resistant, and shock-proof speaker made for "rock faces... virgin powder downhills, and rafting rapids." Meaning: This could be a perfect chance to have M83 playing while you're downhill skiiing, which would be epic as shit.
Or, it could be a way to have "Gangnam Style" be the soundtrack to your death as you plummet off a mountain. No real in-between here.
Air Jordan's, $Various
Michael Jordan turns 50 on Sunday. ESPN has been running specials on him all week, and if you've got 20 minutes to kill today, this is definitely worth a read.
If you're also in the "holy-shit, MJ is 50" mood, now would be a good time to snag a pair of Air Jordan's. For sentimental value at least. The I is probably the most iconic, however I'm partial to the III (cement version) and especially the IV—which was featured in about 30 different movies ("Do the Right Thing" most noticeably) around 1990. Great shoe.
'Meat America,' $30
This is a book that features pictures of bacon, sausage, and steak stylized as Abraham Lincoln, the Don't Tread on Me flag, and various states. Somewhere, Ron Swanson is crying in pride.
Revived Starter Jackets, $TBA
Didn't everyone have one of these at some point? And if you didn't rock one—whether it was a Dallas Cowboys, Michigan Wolverines, Charlotte Hornets, or Orlando Magic piece—didn't you spend 90% of your time scheming with your parents to join the cool kids' club?
Now, they're coming back. Same retro design, same cool kids' status.
'Game of Thrones' Season 2, $49.99
"Game of Thrones" doesn't come back 'till March 31. Is there any better way to prepare than by watching season two again? The "Blackwater" episode is worth the cost of this box set alone.
"Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let's go kill them!”
Sylvester Stallone Fine Art, $24.95
Our office has a framed picture of Sly Stallone that we look to for inspiration from time to time—kind of like how the devoutly religious will keep a cross on their mantles. Now there's an opportunity to get a painting of Rocky dressed as a 19th century Russian general? And Bill Murray, too? No fucking brainer.
Because of this.
Kind of like buying the Jordan's and the Starter jackets, picking up the actual, glossy-paper SI Swimsuit Issue is a hit of nostalgia you just don't get from looking up Kate Upton pictures on the Internet. It's classier. It's an historic artifact. And all of a sudden, you're 13 again.
Juice Pack Helium, $80
Most of these energy packs you strap on your iPhone are so large they wind up looking idiotic. The Juice Pack has a little more sleekness—which is nice, because explaining the bulge in your pocket gets tiring. (Just kidding, it's always a boner.)
The McLaren P1, $TBA
And we finish with something to aspire to. Today, it's the McLaren P1. Holey moley, it's going to be a fast car. According to one forum, it clocked in a lap on a 2.9-mile grand prix race track SIX SECONDS faster than a Porsche 911 GT3.
The very active McLaren Life forums are buzzing about the P1, just as you'd expect they would. One member of the forums recently saw a finished car and says that it's glorious. But then he drops this interesting tidbit:
One thing that was telling, it's 6 seconds faster than a GT3 12c round the Catalunya racetrack.
That means the P1 can lap the Catalunya grand prix circuit in 1:45. The Catalunya track is 2.9 miles long. Cutting six seconds off an already staggeringly quick time over the course of three miles is ridiculous.
This isn't the first time we've heard a claim like this around the P1. We were also told that it was 24 seconds faster around the Silverstone Circuit than any other production car ever. A six second speed differential sounds less outlandish, but still a bit crazy.
It also looks okay, I guess.