A few weeks ago, after a night of debauchery and poor life choices in Manhattan, I traded the homeless strewn streets of NYC for the sandy beaches of Eastern Long Island. As my friend and I journeyed out to his house, nursing hangovers and making fun of our friend who tossed his cookies all over the train that previous evening, we blasted Classic Vinyl (the best classic rock station on XM for you peasants that don’t have it) in the car. Soon, the song “Love the One You’re With” by Stephen Stills came on, and I was struck with an epiphany- Mr. Stills unknowingly (or knowingly, ya bastard) crafted the greatest song to seal the deal with of all time. Whether your lady of choice is a stunning sorostitute on the fraternity dance floor at 2 am, or a cougar prowling the bar for a young buck, this song works wonders in any situation. Here are the 2 main reasons why:
1. The lyrics are a psychology lesson in picking up broads- Stills keeps it simple in this song, and it works. Girls and guys alike may not even realize it, but this song is an aphrodisiac that’ll soon have you making weird animal noises ala Ricky Bobby and his assistant Susan. For instance, the song starts off with the line “If you’re down, and confused/ And you don’t remember who you’re talking to.” This describes just about every bro/propsective bedmate who’s had a few too many whiskey pulls/appletinis. Already, the song has set a romantic mood. ”Concentration slips away/Cause your baby, is so far away”- You bet Suzy Slampiece’s concentration is slipping away. She just did 3 tequila shots and her boyfriend is studying abroad. Don’t let a good opportunity get away from you. “Well there’s a rose in a fisted glove/And the eagle flies with the dove”- I don’t know what this means but it reminds me boxing, walking out of your prom limo with doves flying behind you in 21 Jump Street, and Charlie Day kicking ass and ROCK FLY AND EAGLE. If that doesn’t give you a chubby then I don’t wanna know you. And the rest of the song might as well be Nelly singing “It’s getting hot in here/ So take off all your clothes,” just a little more politely and a little less St. Lunatic-y. Girls can’t resist the written word of Stephen Stills. And neither can you.
2. The perfect bar band/fraternity band song to play- This song has it all: a great chorus telling you to get it on with who’s around, bitching organ solo, great guitar work, and it’s not too hard to sing. This is a layup if you’re playing in a band at a party and a bar and you want to get the hot number in the sundress/(going out? moon?)dress to come up and dance with you before she heads to the football game/ to another bar. She won’t be able to resist coming up to sing with you and later soloing on the meat flute.
So, love the one you’re with this weekend. Or don’t. But definitely hook up with the one you’re with.