When future generations look back at the cinema of this age, certain things will stick out. Daniel Day-Lewis’ subtlety. Christian Bale’s versatility. Michael Bay’s explosions. But surely, one film will dwarf all others: “Jersey Shore Shark Attack.”

The description, from IMDB, lays out the amazing plot.

Many years ago, hundreds of locals and tourists were massacred by giant man-eating sharks in the infamous 1916 Jersey Shore attacks. But that's just a legend... or is it? It's a holiday weekend on the Jersey Shore and, unbeknownst to anyone, underwater drills have attracted dozens of albino bull sharks to the pier. When a man goes missing, TC (The Complication), Nookie and friends fear the worst and plead with the police chief to close down the beach. It isn't until a famous singer is eaten alive during a performance on the pier that the shark hunt begins. Now, the Preppies must work together with the Guidos in order to save the Jersey Shore and its inhabitants from another vicious slaughter.

You want star power? Well, it’s got Joey Fatone!

The thriller swims onto SyFy on June 9, and I think I speak for all of us when I say it’s going to be appointment-television.

Gym. Tan. Lurking harbingers of death.