And it came to pass that a great and powerful trembling went through the Saint Barnabas Medical Center in Livingston, New Jersey on the 25th night of August. The trembles were the terrible culmination of a March prophecy fulfilled, a dark warning that the Orange Ones would give birth to a son to rule the Shore. The hallways of the hospital smelled of self-tanner and hair gel. The patients hid in fear.

And then on the third hour of the morning, the ones they call "The Snooki" and "The Jionni LaValle" welcomed their unholy creation into an unworthy world. And the child, Lorenzo Dominic, gnashed his teeth and bit the orange lady's breast. And MTV exclusively reported the news. 

On the next day, the Lord's day, the Snooki announced her offspring's birth: "I am SO IN LOVE with my son Lorenzo Dominic ! I had my little man last night, healthy at 6lbs!" said the Snooki. "HE'S MY WORLD! ❤"