Something tells me -- likely my good sense -- that most of us will never see "Magic Mike." It's one of those movies that no matter how much your Lead Sled begs, you can't cave to see it. Too much at stake. You especially should never go to see it in a theater. Not because it's humiliating, but rather, because you don't know what 200lb, unlovable slob of a woman secreted smooth through her pants onto your exact seat in the showing before yours. And if that seat is cloth, you can bet you'll be sniffing spoiled yeast while you stare at men's asses for the next 2 hours. Anyway, since we're obviously not watching it, Jason Biggs went ahead and acted some of the scenes out for us in his "unreleased" audition tape.