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What to watch tonight: ‘Survivor’, ‘America’s Got Talent’ season premieres

By / 09.18.13

America’s Got Talent premieres tonight and this one time, a lady used her boobs to crush things. That’s not talent ma’am, that’s stupidity. Boobs are for milking and touching and caressing and sucking and I forgot what we were talking about.

Survivor @ 8pm, CBS: This is the 27th season of Survivor. A far cry from the days of Richard Hatch and future sextape star Jenna Lewis.

America’s Got Talent @ 8pm, NBC: One day, someone with a real talent will win this. Like a woman who can queef on command. That’s noteworthy.

The Bridge @ 10pm, FX: Only on the third episode, don’t tell me what happens you guys!

Duck Dynasty @ 10pm, A&E: Because ‘Merica!

Key & Peele @ 10:30pm, Comedy Central: One of Comedy Central’s best shows and certainly one that doesn’t get the hype it deserves.

Jimmy Kimmel Live @ 11:35pm, ABC: Auto share because Aaron Paul is on.

TAGSAmerica's Got Talent season premiereSurvivorWhat to watchWhat to watch tonight
A. Isaac
About A. Isaac... A. Isaac is the Senior Editor of Guyism.com. He's a buffet connoisseur and regularly eats until he passes out. He also advocates pushing over children to catch foul balls.

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