There’s a new serial killer on the loose, Dexter’s in love, and only three episodes remain. Let’s find out who are the Winners and Losers of Dexter “The Dark..Whatever”.
WINNER: Civil War reenactments
Everything points to the fire investigator, Bosso, as being the “Phantom” committing all of the gruesome fire murders. But it turns out he’s just a civil war reenactor with a perfectly good alibi for the previous weekend’s murder.
The real phantom is just some dude with a shitty mustache named Joseph Jensen who we see burning a group of people in his flame retardant suit on a crowded Miami bus. This plotline showing up with a handful of episodes to go still seems bizarre. Could they just not find enough to do with Hannah and Isaak to fill out the rest of the season?
LOSER: Unnecessarily refurbished childhood dollhouses
Hannah McKay’s recently paroled father, Clint (Jim Beaver) makes a surprise appearance while Dexter and Hannah are discussing Dexter’s “dark passenger.” Naturally, Hannah hasn’t exactly gotten over the whole “being a bad dad” and “almost making her drown” parts of his parenting. It turns out that Clint was just using her to try to squeeze some money for a “crawfish company” and immediately regressed to assholery. An absentee dad showing up and screwing with his daughter’s fragile mind? What a rare problem to have.
LOSER: Independent flower shop owners
Of course, Hannah’s dad then gets wasted and crashes into her flower shop, destroying it on purpose, because she won’t loan him money. He then accuses her of being a curse and says that she killed her mother — indirectly — because of her crimes. He will probably not be getting a World’s Greatest Dad mug this year.
WINNER: Completely illegal and terrible cop work at strip clubs
Nadia is being sent off to a sex club by George the douchey strip club manager so Quinn shows up to save the day. But when George pulls a gun and then starts beating Nadia, Quinn’s desire to project his girlfriend from that awful fate overcomes him. Quinn then shoots George dead, tells Nadia to shoot him in the arm to make it look like it was self-defense, and tells Nadia to get her passport, money, and go. Batista also turns a blind eye to the situation, too. These problems are getting really deep, Joey Quinn. That vagina had better sing.
WINNER: LaGuerta’s detective agency
Captain Matthews and LaGuerta work well together, quickly finding out that the cabin where Doakes’ body was found belonged to a Columbian drug dealer who killed Dexter’s mother in front of him. Matthews insists on being the one to talk to Dexter about it having known him since Dexter was a child — as well as to keep LaGuerta from screwing things up.
LOSER: Dexter’s code
Dexter’s “dark passenger” has always been a plot driving part of the character. He has to kill, but the desire to kill was directed through his code to those who deserve it most. But when Hannah questions the dark passenger, Dexter starts to as well. His moment of clarity comes when he has the Phantom on his table — a hasty resolution to a seemingly unnecessary plotline. The Phantom starts fires because he blames some other kid for his first fire, just like a young Dexter blamed his bloodlust on a figment of his imagination.
Dexter turns the Phantom over to the cops in a neatly wrapped package while throwing out his dark passenger and code during an encounter with Hannah’s dad. He planned to extort Hannah and Dexter in exchange for not telling the cops information about a murder of a counselor Hannah committed in juvenile hall. But then he meets Dexter’s knife on the Slice of Life boat.
Small problem: Clint McKay already left a message for the police, telling them to look up the girl who witnessed the murder Hannah committed. What. A. Dick.
I guess the introduction of the Phantom plotline makes more sense as it was more just a way to subtly redirect Dexter’s character. But with two episodes left and a fairly sudden shift to Encyclopedia Brown LaGuerta, it seems like things are all over the place heading towards the season finale. This show has always done finales well, even in the crappiest years, so it’s worth sticking around to see how things turn out.
Still miss Isaak, though. He and Ghost Harry should probably meet up somewhere in Dexter’s subconscious.
I want more like this!
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