We’ve got five episodes left in Dexter‘s Showtime swan song. Given how little time we have left, can we maybe get some clarity on where things are going? Let’s watch S08E08′s “Are We There Yet” and find out.
LOSER: That girl Cassie for still being dead
Dexter and the Miami Metro murder crew are still surveying neighborgirl Cassie’s apartment looking for clues on what may have lead to her death. Both the guy she was dating instead of Dexter and Jamie Batista are both pretty torn up about the whole situation which is not surprising given that they’re both hanging out by a corpse and a puddle of blood that used to be their friend.
Dexter finds Zach’s blood under Cassie’s nails, confirming what we already knew — he killed Cassie.
WINNER: Bonding over blood cleanup
Hannah and Dexter meet up for a post-mortem on how they just cleaned up the murder of Hannah’s newish husband. They bond over the fact that there was still some blood left on a whiskey bottle that they missed during their cleanup efforts and it reminded her of him. Dexter isn’t overwhelmed with the sentimentality of the moment and asks if she used bleach to clean it up. Romance.
Meanwhile, Deb inquires about Dexter’s standing with Hannah and asks “Are you on top of [the situation] or on top of her?” Deb’s much more clever now that she’s out of her depression.
WINNER: Harrison’s witty repartee
Jamie moves in with Quinn and is all insecure because her friend just got murdered and Quinn has to go do his job. Women. Quinn tells Jamie that she’s not alone, she’s “got the kid.” Harrison quickly replies “My name is Harrison.” Look out Dexter because your son is killing too.
LOSER: Vacations as interesting plot points
Hannah and Dexter take a boat ride to hunt for Zach or something and it’s about as interesting as watching people actually go on vacation. I’ll vent a brief moment of frustration here: This is the difference between the two big Sunday night shows we cover here in Breaking Bad and Dexter. Breaking Bad turns small moments into huge, dramatic things that carry the weight of a thousand suns. Dexter makes small moments into small moments that pad out an hour show.
The big takeaway here is Dexter revealing to Hannah that he doesn’t have some “clever way” to refer to her. He just refers to her as Hannah because she matters in his life. Naturally, he’s not as poetic in getting to that point.
Dexter then sees that there’s a kill room set up in the hotel they’re at looking for Zach. Zach then walks in to find Dexter and Hannah chilling out. He claims that he didn’t kill Cassie and that he’s been hunting some guy named Shawn Decker who killed someone while they were having sex and bragged about it. Except he didn’t knock the guy out and just bludgeoned him to death. Oops.
WINNER: Deb’s vacation crashing
As Dexter goes off to dispose of Shawn Decker’s body with Zach, Hannah remains behind in the hotel room and Deb shows up to confront her. But since Deb isn’t a cop any more, Hannah won’t go along with her “citizen’s arrest.”
Hannah says she only kills to get herself out of jams, not because she enjoys it. And she didn’t kill Deb because she knows Dexter loves her. Dexter interrupts the pow-wow with Zach coming shortly thereafter, impressed by how Dexter has girls fighting over him. The life of a serial killer is a glamorous one, Zach. Now you know.
WINNER: Dinner at Dr. Vogel’s
Dexter returns to Miami to report to Dr. Vogel that Zach’s cleared of any wrongdoing in the Cassie incident in his investigation. This leads to Dexter, Hannah, and Zach having a fairly awkward dinner with the good doctor. She describes their love as though they’re gorillas in a zoo.
Dinner’s interrupted by Dexter being troubled by Cassie’s murder. Zach notes that it looks exactly like his Norma Rivera incident. Somehow this leads to them thinking that Zach may have been framed to get his blood under Cassie’s fingernails.
LOSER: Zach’s sad goodbye
Dexter returns home from his breastless love making session to find that Zach’s dead body is in his house with part of his skull cracked open. Meanwhile, Vogel has a new piece of brain in a jar at her house but, based on the preview for next week’s episode, it seems like she’s not the one to have harvested it herself.
WINNER: Hannah’s less sad goodbye
Dexter puts Hannah up in a hotel room and wants to help her out some more but she tries not to extend the goodbye any further. Hannah’s going to have to flee the country to the Bahamas with a new passport declaring her to be Claire Thompson. Dexter kisses her and they get it in one last time because love is beautiful. We get to see Dexter’s bare ass but not any part of Hannah — to the point where they actually seem to have completely edited her breasts out of one scene — because love is not really that beautiful.
As Hannah’s about to board the plane for the Bahamas the following morning, Dexter comes to beg her not to leave. I guess she stays.
It seems like we’re just killing time until we get to the final episode of the show and that’s kind of a bummer. Zach dying was surprising but didn’t really pack any weight given that we barely knew him since all the information we did know painted him as a red herring for Cassie’s murder.
It’s not surprising that the brain surgeon serial killer is still on the loose but who cares at this point? It seems like all that’s left are some potentially mind-numbing twists and turns out of left field as to who the killer is and who the Cassie bludgeoner is but, at this point, I’d really like to just get to where we need to be because the sense of urgency is nowhere to be found.
Two and a half digitally mastectomized Yvonne Strahovski is the best review I can give this episode. Step your game up, Dexter team.
I want more like this!
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