Apple sent the new U2 album, Songs of Innocence, to every iTunes library on the planet. People were pissed. And rightfully so.
Until yesterday, users were forced to keep the album in their library. People got super, super pissed. Apple was forced to launch a website explaining how to get U2 off their damn phones and out of their music library.
Apple has moved on to plan B. They’re sending U2 to every house in the world. It started this morning, with my house. Here’s what happened.
APPLE JUST SENT U2 TO MY HOUSE! PLEASE HELP!!
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) September 16, 2014
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The Edge is in my hall closet and demanding all my wool caps! I’m honestly scared for my life. — Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) September 16, 2014
Bono is trying to force feed my kids rice! They already had breakfast. The Edge is demanding their wool caps. Please call police!
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) September 16, 2014
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The police are here and it’s actually The Police! Sting and Bono are taking my kids. Sting is using a sitar like a pied piper! It’s working! — Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) September 16, 2014
Bono took off his glasses. His eyeballs are iPod shuffles. Sting is laughing maniacally. Edge is wearing every wool cap in house. Plz hlp
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) September 16, 2014
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Bono demanding a VCR to play a copy of Rattle & Hum. Sting’s performing tantric sex with Waffles the cat. Edge is missing OHSHITHEISBEHINDME — Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) September 16, 2014
I just addressed Edge without saying THE and he took a dump in side table drawer in my living room. Sting and Waffles spooning
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) September 16, 2014
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Called Apple. Gave me instructions to have U2 removed from my house but I need an iOS update and Edge changed Wifi password — Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) September 16, 2014
Figured out Edge’s password. It’s rattleandhummers69. Such a child. The other guys from U2 have just been waiting on the porch whole time
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) September 16, 2014
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U2 successfully removed from my home. I think Bono left wearing my son’s underwear though — Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) September 16, 2014
If U2 shows up at your house do not open the door. Call the police immediately. Hide your cat.