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Everyone Should Strive for Their Obituary to Look Something Like This

They’re turning Notorious B.I.G. into a cartoon ghost

By / 03.12.13

Notorious B.I.G.

Bad Boy Records



Is there anything the awful monsters of Hollywood can’t do? It was only a matter of time, really. After we got hologram Tupac at Coachella, the East Coast would have to have an answer. And who better to give it than Christopher Wallace, aka Biggie Smalls the Notorious B.I.G?

A company named Ossian Media have announced their newest television project, House Of Wallace. The show, which has yet to be picked up by a network, stars C.J. and T’yanna Wallace – Biggie’s real-life kids – as they work to run the recording studio that Biggie opened before his death. But since nobody would watch that, there’s a hook – Biggie will be present “in spirit” to help the kids through their problems.

So he’s going to be advising them to keep it real and take the package to the streets, right? Come up through the ranks with hot mixtapes? Play the hip-hop game like it was meant to be played? Well, uh, no. From the official press release:

Facing a hostile corporate takeover, C.J. and T’yanna are guided to invent a novel approach to creating alternative revenue streams – re-imagining their Dad’s studio as a ‘jingle house by day’, where some of the world’s greatest talents lend their voices and abilities to some of the world’s best-known brand names.

Oh wow, yeah, awesome. I’m sure if Biggie was alive he’d be super happy to be writing jingles for Doritos or whatever. Make that paper, players. As for C.J. and T’yanna, I’m torn – if you can’t make money exploiting your dead father, how can you make it? It’s just kind of a shame that the steez is so corny.

This wouldn’t be the first time that a rapper has helmed a cartoon series – who can forget the horribly-drawn adventures of Hammerman, starring MC Hammer, or Andre 3000’s Class Of 3000? Hell, even T.I. was rumored to be getting his own animated series back in 2010. So there is precedent


TAGSBiggie SmallsCartoonHip hopHouse of WallaceNotorious B.I.G.RapTV
About K. Thor Jensen... K. Thor Jensen is an award-winning writer and graphic novelist who lives on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere. His website is Shortandhappy.com. He fought six Draculas and won.

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