The 5 Worst Video Game Versions of Movies

So the movie wasn’t terrible. Everyone agrees that Megan Fox is crazy hot (props to Shia for pullin’ that one out, straight miracle). The movie can be summed up into Hollywood and Hasbros illegitimate butt baby spawned in Michael Bay’s orgy of special effects. What the game manages to do is nothing short of what most movie games do (make the movie look 10x worse), but Megan Fox isn’t rendered in the game once…seriously? What. Why. Idiots…

4. Fight Club

The first rule of Fight Club is…don’t talk about Fight Club: The Game because it’s so bad that if you do Brad Pitt will come to your house and murder you and then make soap from your dead ass fat. This one really erks me because it’s one of my favorite films of all time. So much so that we’re just gunna stick to the first rule.

3. James Cameron’s Avatar: The Game

It’s one thing to turn a shitty movie into a shitty game, but it’s unruly to turn a great movie into a shitty game. Much like inducing premature labor, pushing a game out to meet the movie release date and sacrificing quality should be made illegal. I mean common the movie was a pioneering blockbuster that entailed decades of technological achievements to set the standards for future motion capture movies. And then the game shits all over that crowing achievement that so many people worked so hard for to line some greedy game executives pockets by cashing in on the hype generated by the movie. Woah went on a bit of a rant there…sorry.

2. Charlie’s Angels

This game is such an abomination that Sony wouldn’t even let it be released on the PS2. The same PS2 that had more shitty games released than any other system ever. The game is flat out degrading. And not even to women. But to humanity itself. This vomit inducing swirl of pixels being considered as entertainment is an affront to decency. Honestly the developers must have had some killer shrooms to make this even slightly more fun than having the bank foreclose on your house after your best friend slept with your wife. No matter how hot these women are in the movie, this game will always make them look like pixilated mules.

1. Catwoman

Comin’ in hot at numbah one is Halle Berry’s child with Drake. Or rather what the kid would amount to if it were ever transformed into a movie game. Like the most precious diamonds on Earth, this movie is crap in its purest form. Who could have ever thought that Halle Berry dressed in a skimpy leather cat costume would suck so much ass? Oh yea it’s because she was supposed to be acting while she was wearing it (like that’s fucking possible). It’s like waking up Christmas morning and finding a hot stripper prostitute under your tree, but instead of stripping she just pins you down and takes a big fat dump on your chest. The woman actually ‘won’ the ‘worst actress’ (Razzie) in 2004 because she sucked that much in this horribly directed piece of flaming rhino shit. And the video game adaptation only makes me want to further find one of the Warner Bros and verbally abuse him until he cries. The controls are frustrating to no end and the camera flies around like it did one too many lines in the bathroom with Amanda Bynes (too soon?). Long story short this game will make you want to kill kittens.

Game Time, a Weekly Video Game Column by Scott Garfinkle, appears on Tuesdays