HAVE MERCY: Uncle Jesse Tried To Fire The Olsen Twin Babies Off ‘Full House’ Because They Wouldn’t STFU

I asked my co-workers whether or not bros care about Uncle Jesse and Full House. No one responded, which can only signify a resounding ‘fuck no.’ So mom, I know you’re reading. Let’s do this.

THE STONES ON UNCLE JESSE! Staying rent-free on his pushover brother Danny’s tab with his ENTIRE family chasing the rock star dream that should’ve died decades ago, and he has the testacles to request the Olsen twins take a hike!?! The Olsen’s were the crux of the show, the reason Jesse wasn’t working at Arby’s, the reason Becky didn’t leave his ass for an A-list celeb.

Here’s the excerpt from Uncle J via Entertainment Weekly detailing the story:

“It’s sort of true that the Olsen twins cried a lot,” Stamos told critics at the Television Critics Association’s semi-annual press tour in Beverly Hills. “It was very difficult to get the shot. So I [gesturing], ‘Get them out…!’ That is actually 100 percent accurate. They brought in a couple of unattractive redheaded kids. We tried that for a while and that didn’t work. [Producers] were like, all right, get the Olsen twins back. And that’s the story.”

Tanner, here’s your big chance to stick up for your offspring and show the world you have a shred of mass below the waistline of your dad jeans that merely resembles a penis:

That was the answer I expected from you you goddamn Sally.

I would ask Joey what he thinks of the whole situation but it’s past 7 pm so he’s half in the bag by now. Joey, you’ve been unemployed longer than I’ve been alive. It’s past the point of being completely and utterly pathetic to being downright admirable. Stick to your guns, bro.

[h/t Uproxx]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.