Entertainment
by Dylan Connell on April 11, 2014

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Mad Men is back this Sunday and it’s the final season. That’s reason enough to drink, right? Don Draper would say so.

If you’re caught up on everything that’s happened, you know that it’s currently impossible to predict what’s in store over the next 14 episodes. Megan, Ted and Pete headed out to California, Peggy took the reins of Sterling Cooper & Partners, and Don was basically fired.

To celebrate/mourn the beginning of the final season, let’s crack a bottle of Rye Whiskey (that’s Canadian, right? I’d better find out.) and celebrate all the Mad Menisms that real fans love.

Drink once if the season starts with you wondering what the hell is happening for the first 60 seconds. Drink twice if someone speaks (or screams) over a blank screen.

Matthew Weiner likes to start these later seasons with huge metaphors. The fifth season began with a reporter asking (over a blank screen) “Who is Don Draper?” Subtle. Season 5 began with Sally wondering around a house we’ve never seen, causing the audience to wonder if it was Betty or Don’s house. Season 6 began with Megan screaming (over a blank screen).

Drink once if Don Draper says “What?”

This YouTube video will forever change how you watch Mad Men, and it only goes through season 4.

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Drink once for tasteful side boob.

If there’s one thing Mad Men is good at, it’s barely-passing-the-censors nudity.

Drink once if someone drinks while it’s still daylight

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Drink once if Betty does something that makes you question her ability to raise children.

In season 4 we witnessed the return of the famous Betty Bitch Slap from season 1, and in season 6 she “jokingly” encouraged Henry Francis to take advantage of their daughter’s friend. Oh Betty, you’ll be forever making fans pause and say, “What?”

Drink once if Roger says something 10x funnier than you could ever think of

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He’s the master of the English language.

Drink once if Joan goes full on beast mode

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If there’s one woman, real or fiction, who I would never want to piss off, it’s Joan.

Drink once if Pete Campbell pronounces a word in a way you’ve never heard and sounds British.

Dude rocks that old timey East Coast privileged accent like nobody else.

Drink once if someone smokes weed

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That stuff was everywhere by 1969

Drink twice if Bobby speaks.

I always wondered what the show would have done with Bobby if he hadn’t been recast no less than 3 times. He’s pretty much relegated to the background of every episode except for one episode last season because who knows if he’s sticking around.

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Drink twice if a non-white person other than Dawn speaks.

Last season we saw an Asian guy, I think. He was delivering Pete Campbell Chinese food (seriously).

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Bonus: Drink 4 times if Baby Gene speaks.

Drink three times if we see Pete’s rifle.

The rifle. It’s been around since season one and pops up when you least expect it. It’s the Easter Egg for beginners, but that’s no reason not to love it. I’m betting it’s finally going to go off this season.

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Drink four times if someone says the F word.

The F word has been said only four times in Mad Men’s 78 episodes. You never know when a new one will surface, and I live for it. It’s so wrong for a basic cable show to use it, but so right. Past use: in the pilot (Pete Campbell), not again until season 4 when it made a glorious return (Roger), in season 5 (Ginsburg) and most recently in the season 6 finale (Megan), which is my favorite use. The word is censored when airing on AMC, but if you watch the show on Netflix, each one is there in all its glory.

Bonus: Drink five times if Sally says it.

Drink six times if stupid creepy Glenn comes back.

He’s the worst part about the show, so you’ll need the drink.

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Dylan Connell is a college bromo who aspires to be the next Don Draper. Find his blog here, and follow him on Twitter.

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