Entertainment
by Doc Dawkins on May 24, 2012

Note: This is solely based on one's Stand-Up Comedy ability.  So don't be like 'Your list sucks elephant sac, Jimmy Fallon or Ben Stiller are the most overrated pieces of shits ever.'  They don't do Stand-Up.  Stand-Up Comedians and their acts only.

 

10.  Jeff Foxworthy

Once your net worth hits $100 million, not really sure you should be allowed to cater to the ‘redneck’ crowd anymore, let alone be able to sport a mustache that’s specifically reserved for owners of windowless white vans. Jeff Foxworthy is bringing in more money annually than the state of Mississippi and people in his audience still view him as one of their own like he’s a freakin Wal-Mart Greeter. Give him credit though, he’s capitalized on making fun of his fan base that is either too stupid or drunk (probably both) to realize that they’re the duck butter of every hack joke. Foxworthy’s fans should legitimately need to pass some sort of test to be able to vote and/or breed.

 

9.  Carrot Top

Almost all of the comedians on this list have at the minimum some sort of funny to them.  Carrot Top? Not so much. This jackass flaunts on the stage with pre-made props that are about as funny as the Holocaust.  Gingers already have it rough enough getting made fun of constantly and being born without souls, it’s not like they need this roided-up firebush giving people more reasons to promote Gingerism.

PS – Want to see a real prop comedian?  Philly’s own The Legendary WID has been getting it done with normal props and real jokes for decades. Check him out here

 

8.  Tracy Morgan

Probably the most questionable on the list because Tracy was OK on SNL and is very good on 30 Rock. But this list is solely based on what’s done on stage as a Stand-Up, and God knows how Morgan has had this much success come directly from his act.  Bashing on gays and sex. That’s about the extent of his expertise. There was one time in the mid-2000’s where Morgan was performing at Penn State and he proceeded to jerk off the microphone. For 5 minutes straight. Watching anything for 5 minutes straight is a stretch, let alone a grown man moaning while stroking an audible fake dick on stage.

And move the freakin microphone stand out of the way. Comedy 101…

 

7.  Kathy Griffin

Look at me! I’m not famous, though! I’m on the D-List in Hollywood! I just talk real fast about how guys suck! Check out my fake tits! Eww don’t look at them you pervert! Did you look at me yet? I’m cursing, and I’m a woman! Aren’t I hilarious??? Look at me!!!!!!

 

6.  Larry The Cable Guy

Like Jeff Foxworthy, gotta give him credit for finding his niche of hillbillies and imbreds to finance his yacht. Typical act goes as followed: fart joke, poop joke, homophobic gay joke, fart joke, poop joke, terrorist joke, fart joke, poop joke, a homophobic joke about a gay terrorist farting while pooping, fart joke. Should’ve kept the mullet:

 

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5.  Jeff Dunham

Now, ventriloquism can be popular (if this were the freakin year 1954), but not this popular. Dunham is one of the highest grossing comedians in the game today solely because puts his hands up the asses of different puppets and makes weird voices that sound like a pod of dolphins queefing. The part that pisses the average person the most off, besides the hackneyed racist and homophobic jokes (see the puppet is actually saying it, so it’s funny and acceptable), is the fact that you can still blatantly see Dunham’s lips moving. Hacking it all the way to the bank.

 

4.  Robin Williams

Robin Williams is a great actor and is very funny, but most people don’t know the history of his rise to stardom. As a stand-up Comedian, Williams was one of the worst joke thieves known to man. He would steal material from anyone and everyone. Not just random concepts or ideas then make them his own; we’re talking entire bits word for word. Every comedian in the 70’s and 80’s hated him. It got to the point where when Williams would walk into a club and the comic on stage would be given a signal that Robin is there and would end his set immediately so his material wouldn’t be taken. There have been instances where Ray Romano would perform on Letterman and the very next night Williams would do the exact same bit Romano did, leaving Letterman (whose Worldwide Pants production company produced Everybody Loves Raymond) absolutely shocked. Give Williams credit for being a decent actor, but take all that credit away when it comes to being a comedian. Plus he talks to fast and spouts incoherent babble on stage. Slow down so we can understand you, man.

 

3. Carlos Mencia

Ladies and gentleman, Ned Arnel!!! Yes, that is ‘Carlos Mencia’s’ real name. Kind of makes it weird that he’s ridden the Chiwawa all the way to the top by dirty sanchezing Mexicans left and right. The only thing he has in common with Latinos is that Carlos organizes competitive cockfights, but at his events there are no roosters present. Plus he’s another hardcore joke stealer.  For every Chappelle and Jon Stewart, Comedy Central just can’t soften their hard-on for hacks like Carlos Menstealia. And he’s obviously not a wise fake Mexican trying to start sh*t with comedian and amateur UFC Fighter Joe Rogan. 

 

2.  Gallagher

The man had 14 Showtime Specials and was one of the most popular comedians in the 1980’s. Watch this video and realize how much coke was actually done during the ‘80’s to numb everyone’s minds to the point where if they think this is funny, they probably would believe a burning baby devoured by AIDS is comical, as well.  

 

1.  Dane Cook

The only person that has taken more advantage of society than Dane Cook is Hitler in the 1920’s. He has to be forcing people to like him. That’s the only way to understand why he’s so popular. Granted, his popularity drops once his fan hits the age of 15. That’s usually when a person is able to cognitively think for themselves and realize that screaming and moving around like an epileptic weasel being fisted on stage doesn’t equate to funny. But he’s still selling out venues and just signed onto a show on NBC. Don’t understand it one bit. Not to mention it’s well documented he’s stolen multiple bits verbatim from Louis C.K., as well.  If you’re going to steal material, better to do it off of someone who isn’t the most popular player in the game, Dane.

About Doc Dawkins...

  • Brandon Roberts

    1.who ever claimed dane cook was funny 2. there are tons more washed comedians 3. rednecks only liked jeff foxworthy because we know how to take a joke (i’m not really a redneck i’m just semi country)

  • Bill

    You have the audacity to slam jokes as hacky while using the tired and unfunny ginger no soul joke.

  • Patrick Donnelly

    IMBRED??? ahahaha. well done.