Here are some of the most badass perks of being an elected official in honor of “The Campaign,” starring Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis in theaters August 10.
Parking wherever the hell you want
OK, so it sounds like a minor thing – until you want to run into the store for a candy bar and some jackwagon is taking up two spots. The common man would have to suffer the indignity of parking blocks away and walking. Screw that noise. Pop it in park, box people in. Cops? You fear no cops.
Many fine suits
Every Bro wants to look like Don Draper. Some never really get the opportunity. Elected officials are encouraged, nay, required to look like a million bucks. Don’t have the greatest fashion sense? Don’t worry. There’s an aide for that.
Plenty of standing ovations
Unless you’re very different than the average Bro, standing ovations aren’t part of your day-to-day life. Rarely do you get to bound into a charged-up room to “Eye of the Tiger” and be showered with applause and praise. Captive and partisan audiences also wildly cheer even the most pandering comments. IT’S GREAT TO BE IN CLEVELAND! ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!! Suckers.
Free tickets to sporting events
A self-respecting public official never misses an opportunity to press the flesh at the home team’s ballpark. Taking in the game from a suite and hobnobbing with the club’s brass is not a bad way to spend an afternoon. Plus, it proves to the people that you’re really just one of them.
Free reign to go America all over everyone’s ass
It only shows how much you love your country. It’s literally impossible to overstate your love for this great country when holding public office. Values!