10. Pong Toss
You can’t get drunk playing this game because there’s NO beer in the cups. You can’t play beer pong without the beer – and in this case it may be digital beer, but even so, that’s just not going to work. So what exactly is the point of just throwing a ball into empty cups? There is NO POINT, no point at all! The fact that it was on the Wii didn’t help anything either because the controls were so weird, the ball always ended up across the room. You probably needed to get drunk just to pick up the Wii remote to try to get through this crappy game.
9. Hannah Montana: The Movie (Xbox360)
The Wii had a few Hannah Montana games that were perfect for tween girls, especially since it had a Just Dance concept that allowed you to dance with your idol, Hannah Montana. BUT, when Hannah Montana: The Movie released, the Xbox 360 game tried to follow the story of the film and failed miserably.
Miley Cyrus as an avatar is creepy enough, but when she’s bow-legged, walking around a farm that’s worse. The voices of the avatars sound like they’re drugged and though people still played for the easy achievements, it was a flop. Here’s an idea, take Miley Cyrus now, mix in a little pot smoking, twerking and a slight identity crisis on what race/gender she actually is and you’ll have a hit – TRUST ME.
8. Chicken Shoot
PETA would have a heyday with this! The title explains it all – you shoot chickens. You enter a level, shoot a bunch of chickens and move on. I’m not sure if they were trying to make a newer version of Duck Hunt, but I’m sorry, there’s nothing fun about shooting chickens – seriously, it’s really not fun at all.
7. Mario is Missing
First the Princess, now Mario – what is Luigi to do? Just leave him there man; it’s not even worth it. You’re going to get bored way before you ever get close to finding him. The DOS version was a tiny bit better, but truly no player ever had the desire to finish this game.
6. Back to the Future
Mary McFly never collected alarm clocks or dodged killer bees in the suburbs – did he? I sure don’t recall that happening in the movie – nor do I remember the giant milkshake fight in Hill Valley’s soda shop. When Back to the Future’s co-creator Bob Gale admitted that the 8-bit incarnation of Marty McFly was the worst ever, noting, “I should note that the previous BTTF video games have all sucked eggs – particularly the Nintendo 8-bit cartridge made by LJN in 1989 – truly one of the worst games ever.” I think that pretty much sums it up!
5. Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties
Shouldn’t this title speak for itself – this game already sounds horrible, and have no fear, IT IS! There are a lot of boobs in this game, I mean A LOT – but it’s really not going to turn you on at all. The entire game looks like a bad PowerPoint presentation. You can actually play the entire thing on YouTube now thanks to in-video links. Give it a go, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
4. Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis
All Aquaman can do is kick and punch – oh, and swim around in a confined area. That’s it – kick and punch, that’s all you need to know. There is a shooting level, but it’s really only there to distract you from your task at hand; kicking and punching. You’re welcome in advance.
3. Pac-Man (Atari 2600 Version)
Ok, before you panic, just listen – I love Pac-Man, but the Atari 2600 Version of Pac-Man is cruel and unusual punishment. It’s ugly, slow and just plain awful. It puts the classic Pac-Man name to shame. Prepare yourself because they’re only going to get worse from here.
2. Custer’s Revenge
Here’s a rundown of Custer’s Revenge: you’re a naked General Custer who is trying to get to a naked native woman on the other end of an ‘alleged’ playing field to molest her – or, we could say rape, since she’s tied to a pole and everything. What is standing in your naked path? Arrows, falling from the sky, that you must ‘allegedly’ dodge with your naked body. It’s offensive and has a whole rapey/racist thing happening. You may want to go sanitize now.
If you’re going to be mad, be mad at Spielberg – he handpicked programmer Howard Scott Warshaw and only gave him 5 weeks before production deadlines.This set a precedent for awful licensed games. E.T. also was a major contributor to the video game crash of the 80’s – and it was so bad that millions of copies were buried in a New Mexico landfill. You can’t bury this mess though; it’s still remembered as one of the worst video games ever!
I want more like this!
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