5. Jabba the Hutt sitting on you
Jabba the Hutt is a fat fuck. Not only is he a fat fuck, he’s a fucking lizard that drools incessantly. Hutt’s are generally scum and low lives of the universe. Kind of like the Italian mob bosses, but 10x more disgusting. We never saw Jabba sit on someone, but I can only imagine how shitty of a death that would be.
4. That fucking garbage disposal
How bad would getting smashed to death suck? Pretty bad. It would suck even more when you’re getting smashed to death with some of your best friends, and you’re in the middle of a gigantic garbage pit. That would blow. Not to mention, you’re also in that same garbage pit with a monster who is just waiting to drag you down into the murky depths of shit colored garbage juice.
3. Emperor’s Force lightning bolts
Fuck man. If there’s one thing that really stuck with me from Star Wars, it was that the Emperor had some serious control of the Force. How the hell could someone shoot MOTHER FUCKING LIGHTNING BOLTS out of their hands, and send those bitches straight at you? You’d be fried to death, and it would be 10x worse, because anything involving the Force is always worse.
2. The Rancor
I’m still trying to figure out how the hell Luke actually managed to get away from the Rancor. The Rancor might be the ugliest beast in the whole Star Wars universe. It’s a gigantic mix of reptile, monster, and barracuda? That’s what those teeth remind me of at least. The Rancor would fuck you up before you even knew what was happening, and rip you limb by limb.
1. The Sarlacc
The Sarlacc takes the cake. Remember in Return of The Jedi, when they take them out to bum fuck nowehere Tatooine? Yeah, they knew they were going to die. They had that whole entire ride to think about the death the Sarlacc was going to bring to them. Possibly the worst part about the Sarlacc is that it kills you slowly. It literally digests you forever. You’re thrown into a venus fly trap looking thing, and slowly digested for years. I want 0 part of that bullshit.
Happy Star Wars Day 2015, Bros!