Miley Cyrus explains her tongue thing in new 'SNL' promos
Guy pranks drive thru by having skeleton roll up to window

Ron Swanson Teaches How to Grow His Moustache

By / 10.02.13

In his new memoir, Paddle Your Own Canoe, Offerman say a good moustache signifies all that is right with masculinity. According to an excerpt published by Vulture:

A moustache carries with it a little bit of derring-do. You’re the kind of guy who will come barreling up doing a power slide in your pickup truck and then give a girl a wink. You know your knots. You know what to do with beef tallow. 

I don't have a moustache and had to Google “beef tallow.” It's rendered beef fat. Now that you know why that, Offerman gives you his six-step method for growing the moustache that's become synonymous with manhood.

1. I don’t shave my lip area.

2. After two weeks, I have a passable moustache, in the form of long, luxurious stubble.

3. I continue to eschew the razor.

4. After three to four weeks, my whiskers have developed to the point where I can play a sheriff who is so tough that he eats nails, but still not Swanson.

5. I refuse to shave.

6. After five weeks, the whiskers growing from just beneath my nostrils have extended down, wirelike, to reach my top lip, a distance of one full imperial inch. Now, and only now, may I don the pleated Dockers and thick, long-sleeved knits of Pawnee’s director of Parks and Recreation with confidence and authority.

Movember is coming up, Bros. Let's all do the Swanson. 

[H/T Vulture


TAGSBeardsmoustacheNick OffermanParks and Recreation
David Covucci
About David Covucci... David Covucci is writer and blogger for BroBible dot com. He loves Twitter and whiskey. He can be reached at david.covucci@brobible.com.

I want more like this!

Follow us on Facebook and get the latest before everyone else.

MORE STORIES FROM OUR FRIENDS:

Join The Discussion


Comments are closed.

Sign Up