In the past week, America has been invaded by a staggering amount of flesh-eating humans. These attacks have ranged from New Jersey to Miami to Baltimore, and it appears that it's only a matter of time until they spread across the nation. Not really, but kind of.
If this really is the zombie apocalypse, there’s no doubting that zombie history students will be studying this landmark event for centuries to come. Humans will likely be the butt of many jokes, as they will wonder how the f*ck we didn’t see this coming. As shown below, we’ve really just missed the signs:
1. Adam Richman Leaving 'Man vs. Food' To Eat People Instead
"Man vs. Food" was a show where half-man, half-diesel engine Adam Richman would go to famous restaurants across the country and eat the entire menu. It was announced earlier this year that the show would be no more, and Richman wrote on his Facebook page that he is now retired from competitive eating. No reason was given.
No reason given, huh? Well this is because ADAM RICHMAN HAS CLEARLY GRADUATED FROM EATING FOOD TO EATING PEOPLE. HOW DID WE NOT SEE THIS COMING?!?!!?
2. Pitbull’s Popularity
Only in a world that’s about to be taken over by zombies would this man dominate the Billboard charts. Also, the official rally cry of zombie nation is dalle.
3. And Skrillex
Little known fact: Skrillex was attacked by a zombie in his youth, this being the reason why he’s unable to grow hair on a whole side of his head. With his zombie tunes, it’s clear that the virus lodged in his brain is really making a play.
4. The Mayans
As we know full well, the Mayans told us the world was going to end right after our lunch break. Although recent evidence has shown that this is untrue, it easily could’ve been information planted by the NAZ (National Association of Zombies). I hear membership grows exponentially by the day.
5. Gus Johnson Leaving CBS, Not Calling College Basketball Games Anymore
It was common knowledge that, upon hearing Gus Johnson’s screaming voice, zombies instantly die. The lack of Johnson calling March Madness buzzer-beaters this year has given a chance for the flesh eaters to regroup, and finally get healthy enough to become a legitimate apocalypse contender.