Read these in twos for maximum Internet enjoyment:
When it comes to doing laundry, I firmly believe in using environment-friendly detergent and I ALSO believe
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
whites and “darks” should be kept separate. Sorry if that sounds too “tree-huggy” to my conservative followers.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
Saying that gay marriage is unconstitutional is as hateful & ignorant as saying
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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all abortion should be illegal, no exceptions. Just go ahead and UNFOLLOW me, you right wing hate-mongers.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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Oh, you think repealing voting laws in the south is justified, you racist asshole? I suppose you ALSO believe that
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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Hitler was absolutely right about the Jews. And I don't care how many “white power” redneck followers I lose by Tweeting that.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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You think ANYONE should be able to buy a gun for ANY reason, you idiot? Well, why don't we just
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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Let NAMBLA members fuck anyone they want. Am I so crazy for wanting my kid to grow up in a safer world?
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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These idiots who deny that clumsy change is real, and a pressing threat are no different from misogynists who claim that
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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Women enjoy rape. Grow the fuck up, all of you.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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Why do right wing asshats want “Hollywood out of government”, but don't want the Fred Thompsons or Arnold Schwarze
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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Neggers out of government? Yes, please! (Sorry for any misspelling)
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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For you simpletons who see everything in “black” and “white”: if racism, misogyny, hatred and fear are BLACK, then
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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My grandchildren had better be WHITE. And I mean PURE WHITE, or we're not going to have a country anymore. #tolerance
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
More funny tweets on the next page!!!
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God's greatest miracle? How about science? Penicillin? Gift from God. Polio vaccine? Gift from God. Even aspirin, Pepto-Bismol and ROL
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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AIDS is a gift from God. I don't know why people are still so backward in their thinking about this.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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AIDS is a gift from God. I don't know why people are still so backward in their thinking about this.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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Our country's worth isn't in how many billionaires we produce or countries we conquer. History will judge use solely on how we tr
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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Eat the poor, disabled and hopeless. It's the only way we can insure our future.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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And I'm sorry, but I fucking HATE FOX NEWS. Bunch of race-baiting corporate shills. All of their medieval, fact-free clapt
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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Rap is performed by monkeys in expensive clothes. Sorry if I offended you, white conservatives, but it's the truth.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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Gonna hop off Twitter for awhile. Enjoy the sunshine, breathe the air. Hope no one was offended. Cross my heart and hope to
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
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Die, all of you. Seriously. #peace
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) August 17, 2013
[H/T: @pattonoswalt]
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