Have you ever been clicking around the nets and you come to some story about Taylor Swift or Lindsay Lohan and think to yourself “how the fuck do these women have so much money?” There are loads of people in Hollywood with no discernable talent who seemingly make money by simply breathing. However, what I’ve learned is while guys and girls might disagree on looks or talent, most agree on how fucking annoying certain female celebrities are. These are the top five most unlikable female celebrities.
There was a point in time where ginger was the new hot. Where Long Island was the new LA. And it was strictly because of Lindsay Lohan. Parlaying a kid star career to a teen dream career, Lindsay Lohan was the girl every guy wanted to bang, and ever girl wanted to be back in the early 2000. She was hot, fresh, talented, and she lived what seemed to be a sick life full of parties and interviews and shopping. As a native Long Islander, I envied her for the fame she created for herself.
Flash forward to 2013, and most girls would rather live the life Lena Dunham is living in her show “Girls”, and most guys would rather fuck a Fleshlight covered in razor blades. After a string of shitty movies, a couple of DUI’s, some coke possession charges, a few missed court appearances, a hundred or so lip injections, a dysfunctional “one time only” lesbian affair and two parents who make being raised by rabid wolves look like a desirable childhood (among probably 900 other issues I missed), this chick has lost any kind of credibility she once had. Now a days, you see her popping up in the tabloids for stupidity like punching a trashy psychic in a club or crashing her car or stalking random boy bands or now brushing her teeth for seemingly two years. She is the epitome of why people hate Long Island. She is the poster child of what not to be when your area code is 516 or 631. She is one of the most irritating “starlets” because she is completely unaware of the reality of what she is: one hot fucking mess of entitlement. The girl is talking about how she wants to win an Oscar some day, she couldn’t even get her shit together enough to adequately read cue cards on SNL. It's almost like there's a completely delusional sense of where she’s at in her life and career. After reading the story in the New York Times that covered her mood swings and psychotic behavior on the set of her low budget indie film "The Canyons" where she has a four-way sex scene with a porn star (quite a long jump from "Mean Girls"), my only thought was.. "fuck dude, how much do those lips hurt? They look like they need a good dose of Vagisil they’re so swollen."
My hope is the California judicial system – which has bent over and spread cheek for Lohan for the last few years – finally says “bitch shut the fuck up” and sends her to prison for a few months. The girl could benefit from some regulated showers and a forced distance between her and whoever put those “Princess Ariel Mermaid Barbie” white girl weave extensions in her hair.
Some people love her. Some people hate her. One thing I think we all can agree on – no one wants to see Lena Dunham naked. Everyone is tired of seeing Lena Dunham naked.
I have my own personal bias against Dunham. It has to do with writing and being repped by the same people and just seeing the process from a different angle. But even if I didn’t have that personal beef, I would still look at this chick and think “what the fuck?” Why? Because she puts my generation in the shallowest of forms, films it with a camera that has an Instagram filter, gets naked in scenes that are about buying shoes and people think this is genius. They are treating her like she invented Williamsburg, which was quite comfortably gentrificated by 2005. I don’t get it. Maybe some of you do, but I don’t.
Outside of all of that, you have this girl who two years no one knew, talking about why she thinks people write, and that those who write for money have a “weird plan”. Something tells me coming from a wealthy family with connections that got her where she is today, she never had to bartend to make ends meet so she COULD write. And out of curiosity, I’d love to know if she’s giving the $3.5 million she got for a book deal, back since… you know, writing for money is weird. She recently told Playboy that she would hate waking up to have a Victoria Secret Body because she wouldn’t want people being nice to her just because she is hot. “That must be hard,” she said. Bitch please. I LOVE my body. But you want to know whose body I love more? Miranda Kerr. And admitting that I’d love to wake up and have Miranda Kerr’s body one day, isn’t me being insecure or being anti-feminist. It’s me being an honest woman who appreciates a hot bitch’s body and lives in the real world. This whole “oh I’m so edgy and full of tattoos and against the grain of standard because I’m kind of chubby” isn’t some new line form of feminism. It’s fucking annoying. Maybe it’s bitterness, maybe it’s a twinge of jealousy. Or honestly, maybe it’s me being on the other end of the things she does saying “the fuck is so special about her and why is she always naked?”
"Girls" kicked in the door for a different style of television in a way. And I will appreciate that for as long as my career keeps going because in theory, had she not, I might not have gotten my opportunity to write professionally. But the obnoxious side of her quick rise to fame coupled with her showing up on every magazine cover, from Rolling Stone to Pet Monthly talking about shit that makes her sound so out of touch with the reality of what most mid-20s are going through, is something that I think irritates everyone. Add that to her seemingly constant need to be naked in her show, eh… I think we are all quietly waiting for this girl to fade the way of other edgy new trends that ended up being shitty and annoying, like MySpace and the Blackberry Storm.
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