Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
.@Redskins holy shit, just change your fucking name already.
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) September 29, 2014
Seriously.
https://twitter.com/jenamsims/status/516432836224487424
Might be just you, but, hmmm.
Vikes gash Falcons for 241 yards on the ground WITHOUT Adrian Peterson. Nice knowing you, A.P.
— Jim Rome (@jimrome) September 29, 2014
AND with a rookie QB.
https://twitter.com/IrelandBBaldwin/status/516434802438709248
I do not own a fern.
My wife won't let me put a port-a-potty in our dining room 🙁
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) September 29, 2014
She sounds very unreasonable.
12:00 on a Sunday night is not quality hour.
— Dane Cook (@DaneCook) September 29, 2014
For anything.
Oh gentleman at breakfast .. Close your mouth when you're eating sloppy eggs…
— lena headey (@IAMLenaHeadey) September 29, 2014
Sorry…
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often
— Amy Weber (@TherealAmyWeber) September 29, 2014
She said it, not me.
Kindness is first on my list of human virtues. A fat ass is a close second
— RuPaul (@RuPaul) September 29, 2014
Makes sense.
It's so sad to think there are people in this world who take shits without iPhones.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) September 29, 2014
It really is.
https://twitter.com/JamesDeen/status/516620029010264064
What a novel idea!
Whnever a coffee shop waitress calls me "sweetie" or "hon," I take off my wedding ring & say, between quiet sobs, "Okay. I'm in."
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) September 29, 2014
You too?!
Can't wait for the Entourage movie to leave the theaters! #TeamTurtle
— Andy Kindler (@AndyKindler) September 30, 2014
Oooh, some Entourage hate…
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/516824278373638144
You too?!
https://twitter.com/BreeOlson/status/516886102095835137
And friends? And family members?
https://twitter.com/danieltosh/status/517000092419489792
I can go along with that.
I am your spirit amphibian.
— (((Jew))) (@JoshMalina) September 30, 2014
Indeed you are.
I can't stop buying robes & coasters. What is wrong with me?
— Elizabeth Gillies (@LizGillies) September 30, 2014
You’re buying too many robes & coasters.
Olympic Swimming News: Michael Phelps was arrested for a DUI. Ryan Lochte cut the sleeves out of a FBI (Federal Boobie Inspector) t-shirt.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) September 30, 2014
This is true.
I get the same feeling at the dentist that I get when a cop car is behind me; I haven't done anything wrong, but I feel incredibly guilty.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) September 30, 2014
Sounds familiar.
She bought me FIFA15 to reel me in then leave while I was vulnerable…
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) September 30, 2014
Women can be so evil sometimes.
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/517062930932981760
Catchy…
I feel like I text like a guy. Like a guy who's an asshole.
— Elizabeth Gillies (@LizGillies) September 30, 2014
I wouldn’t know anything about that.
Must be the playoffs since the #A’s just lost
— Doug Gottlieb (@GottliebShow) October 1, 2014
A tradition unlike any other.
Time for Billy Beane to dust off his "The playoffs are just a crapshoot. Not much you can really do." line.
— Jim Rome (@jimrome) October 1, 2014
You know it’s coming.
It figures. I invested in Windows 9.
— (((Jew))) (@JoshMalina) October 1, 2014
It did seem so promising.
https://twitter.com/johnrockerbook/status/517339858264940544
Who doesn’t?
https://twitter.com/OfficialKat/status/517532635715747840
I’d pay to see video of that.
https://twitter.com/JenKirkman/status/517546740413505536
This is true. Just ask Charlie Sheen.
https://twitter.com/IrelandBBaldwin/status/517554473481150464
She said itty bitty titty committee…
.@UPS if your customer service had a smell, it would be sweaty balls mixed with asparagus pee.
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) October 2, 2014
How does he know what that smells like?
Ok, it's been a while, you still there? I saw that new show Gracepoint. It's damn good. And the hot female detective looks like my ex-wife.
— Bryan Cranston (@BryanCranston) October 2, 2014
Hmmm, I wonder why?
https://twitter.com/DennisDMZ/status/517698533265514496
It really is.
Choosing between Republicans & Democrats is like choosing between CVS & Walgreens.
— Judah Friedlander (@JudahWorldChamp) October 2, 2014
Wait, what?
Nothing to worry about. Governor Rick Perry will make sure the spread of Ebola in Texas gets contained.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) October 2, 2014
I feel better already.
I have no way of knowing for sure, but I bet being muted hurts more than being unfollowed
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) October 2, 2014
It does sound more painful.
Okay let's be real all I wanna do is listen to hip hop, piss off my neighbors, and have house parties
— Anastasia Ashley (@AnastasiaAshley) October 2, 2014
Sounds like a solid plan to me.
https://twitter.com/louisck/status/517752707042791427
Can you smell the irony?
FUCK PLUTO
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) October 2, 2014
Have a great weekend, everybody!