Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more.
Strap in. It could get bumpy. These are the most entertaining celebrity tweets this week.
The captain of our flight just announced Jeremy Renner's "golden globes" joke & we've agreed to let him crash the plane into Lake Erie.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 12, 2015
Does that mean they liked it or hated it?
“Good evening. I’m stoned.” #goldendglobes
— (((Jew))) (@JoshMalina) January 12, 2015
Pretty much.
Note: it is perfectly acceptable to use the "Globes" as an excuse for your hangover even if you watched it at home, or didn't watch at all.
— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) January 12, 2015
Good information.
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/554688234958381057
Twitter is everything.
I just witnessed the best (or worst) walk of shame ever. Poor girl was hiking up a hill in heels hahaha I can't breathe
— Lucy Hale (@lucyhale) January 12, 2015
That’s not nice. Funny as hell, but not nice.
https://twitter.com/JamesDeen/status/554731643320008704
Uttered by thousands.
What is worse?
1) posting a tweet that was supposed to be a DM
2) posting a tweet w/ poor grammar
3) seeking approval from the internet— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 12, 2015
Too easy.
My nude selfies are looking better and better. One day I'll just press tweet n show you all. 😂😝 #justkiddingthosedaysaredone #kinda #flex 💪
— Kendra Wilkinson (@KendraWilkinson) January 12, 2015
Stop teasing.
Kate Hudson in that white ensemble…
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) January 12, 2015
Also uttered by thousands.
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/554747100865761280
There is no expiration date for that.
In regards to my new career as head ref for #OSUvsORE – Hey, I don't have a series any more – I had to do something. #OSUvsORE
— Bob Newhart (@BobNewhart) January 13, 2015
Still got it.
Can we retroactively scrap the Jon Hamm/Jim Caviezel/Kevin Costner sports movies of the last year and just do a Cardale Jones flick?
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) January 13, 2015
I’d watch that.
To think this was the 4 seed. All those years without a playoff….
— Seth Davis (@SethDavisHoops) January 13, 2015
What a waste.
https://twitter.com/danieltosh/status/554869690523082752
Godspeed Urban.
https://twitter.com/chrissyteigen/status/554899736403406848
No doubt there.
https://twitter.com/jaymohr37/status/555001825561030656
And now we all will as well.
https://twitter.com/chrissyteigen/status/554924989657657344
Uphill? Both ways?
I’m beginning to think I didn’t get that role as young @icecube in “Straight Outta Compton.”
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) January 13, 2015
I’d have liked to have seen that.
I'm going to rent a BMW for a day to see if there's something in their design that requires the driver to behave like an unremitting penis.
— Hugh Laurie (@hughlaurie) January 13, 2015
Shots fired at Beemer owners!
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/555024995869786112
Shot fired at Ohio.
"They won't be laughing about me being head of NASA when I bring back all that delicious cheese from the moon." — Ted Cruz
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 13, 2015
Actual quote.
When you get out of the shower today, get a sense of humor. Love ya!
— Naya Rivera (@NayaRivera) January 13, 2015
Good thing I shower every day.
I’ve never not lost my shopping list between the car and the store.
— (((Jew))) (@JoshMalina) January 13, 2015
I feel you, brutha.
Yep, never watched an episode of South Park.
— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) January 14, 2015
That actually explains a lot.
Of all the ways to start your morning, scrubbing loose dog shit out of a white shag area rug is not one I'd recommend
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) January 14, 2015
Never buy white carpet.
Rex Ryan challenged on his record w Jets: "I'm not a mediocre coach."
— Michele Steele (@MicheleSteele) January 14, 2015
A 50-52 record with the Jets would suggest otherwise.
https://twitter.com/AlyssCampanella/status/555491079961968641
Seriously, people.
What if the single criterion to gain entrance to Heaven is justifying 85% of your Favorites?
— (((Jew))) (@JoshMalina) January 15, 2015
Then a lot of people are in serious trouble.
CRIMESTOPPER TIP:
Rather than spend money on an expensive alarm system, just smear your entire house with feces!— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) January 15, 2015
Foolproof.
https://twitter.com/KattWilliams/status/556028117828259841
Hate when it does that.
I AM YOUR FUCKING FATHER
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) January 12, 2015
Have a great weekend, everybody!