Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy. These are the most entertaining celebrity tweets this week.
No lie, last night my butt made a noise that sounded like Gizmo singing followed by E.T. screaming.
— Jordan Peele (@JordanPeele) December 1, 2014
Good information, Jordan.
That moment when you receive prison fan mail, research the prisoner only to find he murdered and dismembered a woman. #NoPicForYou
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) December 1, 2014
That’s why I don’t do research.
Just ordered my first clapper for the Christmas tree lights.
Clap on! Clap off!— Spencer Pratt (@spencerpratt) December 1, 2014
(*Adds Clapper to shopping list.)
Tried waterskiing once, got an enema.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) December 1, 2014
Probably not the first or last time for Larry.
If you have sex before work can you get a few "in honor of Ocho" strokes in for me…
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) December 1, 2014
Now there’s a solid request.
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/539445198334738433
He just had to go there.
'Cyber Monday' sounds like the title of a straight-to-DVD movie starring Yasmine Bleeth and Dean Cain.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) December 1, 2014
Loved me some Yasmine Bleeth back in the day.
https://twitter.com/mindykaling/status/539461388481994753
Now I want one of them to die, just to see that.
https://twitter.com/wilw/status/539475300212420609
I feel you, brother.
Can you imagine making a "friend request" in person? Soooooo CUUUTE!
— (((Jew))) (@JoshMalina) December 2, 2014
More like terrifying I’d say.
Nobody ever provided me with a thinking cap.
— Andy Kindler (@AndyKindler) December 2, 2014
Seriously, what the hell is a “thinking cap,” anyway?
https://twitter.com/chrissyteigen/status/539776069860360192
Thankfully, being braless is not boob suicide.
https://twitter.com/JoseCanseco/status/539788674259767296
Shouldn’t take him too long, right?
I think I'm going to take my kids trick-or-treating tonight just to keep my neighbors on their toes.
— Joel McHale (@joelmchale) December 2, 2014
Everyone should do this.
https://twitter.com/OfficialKat/status/539830597145751554
It never is.
I still occasionally suffer from mild bouts of Linsanity. 🙁
— josh groban (@joshgroban) December 2, 2014
Who among us doesn’t?
Kama Sutra is a bit intimidating to many. Better to eat pretzels then imitate them.
— Dr. Ruth Westheimer (@AskDrRuth) December 2, 2014
Better listen to the doctor.
https://twitter.com/chrissyteigen/status/540024241857773568
She’s not joking about the anxiety either.
https://twitter.com/ArianaGrande/status/540063830857228288
I’ve had that happen too…in my dreams.
There's nothing I love more than a briefcase-carrying, NYC businessman in a trench coat on a rainy day.
— Elizabeth Gillies (@LizGillies) December 3, 2014
Note to self.
What's on your xmas list? Hopefully one of my amazing tanning lotions made the cut!
— JWOWW (@JENNIWOWW) December 3, 2014
Uh. No.
https://twitter.com/ChrisWarcraft/status/540197774349045760
What is paper?
Each and every single one of you is beautiful. Never forget that. Xo
— Anne V (@AnneV) December 3, 2014
No they’re not.
Just had the longest, hottest bath. Now too dizzy to get dressed.
— Elizabeth Hurley (@ElizabethHurley) December 3, 2014
I’m dizzy just thinking about her taking a long, hot bath.
It just hit me: if they are real, we are stepping in piles and piles of ghost dung.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) December 3, 2014
They don’t use ghost toilets?
https://twitter.com/JamesDeen/status/540243916499329024
Our phones will be the death of all us.
On the unrated DVD of 'Home Alone', Macaulay Culkin's mom blows John Candy and his polka buddies in exchange for a ride to Chicago.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) December 3, 2014
I must have missed that one.
https://twitter.com/chrissyteigen/status/540379060598489088
100% correct.
I woke up this morning to find the Sixers won their first game AND the sun came up. Whoa.
— Bonnie Bernstein (@BonnieBernstein) December 4, 2014
Never thought it would happen.
https://twitter.com/Sara_Sampaio/status/540549813587419139
#FashionShowBacklash.
Anybody know why #Instagram is glitching so hard right now? Time stamps out of order and people's post vanishing in the feed? #whatthegram
— Sophia Bush (@SophiaBush) December 4, 2014
Instagram goes down and celebrities start losing their shit.
This pigeon has been walking beside me for 12 blocks now & hasn't said a word or introduced himself. Talk about building sexual tension.
— Elizabeth Gillies (@LizGillies) December 4, 2014
Bird’s got mad game.
Disappointed Tyler Perry didn’t name his son Tyler Perry’s Son.
— (((Jew))) (@JoshMalina) December 4, 2014
No shit.
https://twitter.com/AnnaKendrick47/status/540747615399182337
Anything can happen in Neverland.
https://twitter.com/zachbraff/status/540747707216715776
It had to be said.
ALL THINGS GO FUCK YOURSELF
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) December 3, 2014
Have a great weekend, everybody!