Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy. These are the most entertaining celebrity tweets this week.
Last week, water heater went out and I youtubed how to fix it. Now, water is semi warm so I looked at heater and prayed for a husband. Tired
— Lolo Jones (@lolojones) November 17, 2014
Don’t look at me.
Daddy what's a tephalone or a eyephone? Shh! It's telephone and iphone, the devices p[eople used before the government banned conversation.
— carl reiner (@carlreiner) November 17, 2014
Us in 20 years.
I wish I could motorboat the whole world
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) November 17, 2014
Just take it one person at a time, Sarah.
Both tv's just turned on at the exact same time in my hotel room without touching them. Don't know whether to be scared or SO EXCITED!!! 😱
— Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) November 17, 2014
I’d go with scared.
https://twitter.com/AdrianneCurry/status/534367465271095297
There you go with that wishful thinking thing again.
Unless you are playing a baby, there is no role you were born to play.
— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) November 17, 2014
One of Hollywood’s dumbest cliches.
I am adult woman who writes a lot about sex for my job and I am still scandalized when Adam Levine sings about being "inside" someone.
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) November 17, 2014
That’s okay, it bothers the hell out of me too.
Turns out Benedict Cumberbatch is a person and not something you type into the YouPorn search engine.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) November 17, 2014
The more you know.
The "50 Shades of Grey" dude looks just like "Love Actually" kid. I feel less *turned on* and more like….I should call child services…
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) November 17, 2014
I am so not going to see that movie.
I will soon put the finger that fell off in the poker tournament on eBay for sale
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 17, 2014
Oh, you were just pranking us? Good one.
I know if I go to bed now I’m just going to have to get up again tomorrow but I’m gonna do it anyway.
— Jake Johannsen (@Jakethis) November 18, 2014
SSDD.
There are two kinds of crazy in this world. Marrying a mass murderer in prison crazy or Jaden and Willow Smith interview crazy.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) November 18, 2014
Amazingly we saw both this week.
Express Your Self
— Jaden (@jaden) November 18, 2014
Speaking of which…
My spirit animal is a guy on a mobility scooter smoking a cigarette.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) November 18, 2014
Very inspiring.
food for thought … Live Today, Forget Yesterday, and Good Hopes for Tomorrow…
— Sylvester Stallone (@TheSlyStallone) November 18, 2014
Thanks, Rocky.
Girls that head to Vegas every weekend to "play" are about as stable as a carnival ferris wheel.
— Dane Cook (@DaneCook) November 18, 2014
Now that’s fucking funny.
OFTEN
— FARRAH ABRAHAM (@F1abraham) November 18, 2014
Have sex on camera for money?
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/534944921481121793
Look it up, kids.
A 10-second kiss can transfer 80 million bacteria, my wife told me as we shook hands.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) November 19, 2014
Oh, so that’s why I keep striking out?
https://twitter.com/jaymohr37/status/535072199837618176
Patent that shit now.
The only normal people you know are the ones you don’t know very well.
— Khloé (@khloekardashian) November 19, 2014
“Deep Thoughts By Khloe Kardashian.”
https://twitter.com/chrissyteigen/status/535179304678981632
Seems only fair.
https://twitter.com/ChrisWarcraft/status/535317219266134017
Sage words.
It does seem odd that the guy who's accused of rape by 15 women is the same guy who was always saying "pull your pants up!"
— Bill Maher (@billmaher) November 20, 2014
It seems more than just odd.
There are two types of people in this world… people who celebrate their birthday for a week, and sane people.
— Aubrey O'Day (@AubreyODay) November 20, 2014
This is true.
Today I will love porn stars & all news anchors…
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) November 20, 2014
Shouldn’t that really be every day?
I wish Bill Cosby had more projects in development. I really enjoy reading about each cancellation.
— (((Jew))) (@JoshMalina) November 20, 2014
You and me both, brutha.
Now I've seen it all. Whoever thought in a million years Charles Manson would wind up being a better role model for kids than Bill Cosby??
— Bobby Slayton (@PitbullofComedy) November 20, 2014
Trust me, you haven’t seen it all yet.
Bill Cosby is glad Joan Rivers is dead right now.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) November 20, 2014
Ain’t that the truth.
When I'm President, I will deport the Kardashians.
— Judah Friedlander (@JudahWorldChamp) November 21, 2014
Done. Elected.
BILL COSBY GO FUCK YOURSELF AND YOUR PUDDING POP
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) November 18, 2014
Have a great weekend, everybody!