Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy. These are the most entertaining celebrity tweets this week.
First Michael Jackson, now Macauley Culkin. When will these stupid death hoaxes end?
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) November 10, 2014
Ummm…Patton?
To those who say music isn't a force for change anymore, I say well when's the last time you heard about a waterfall-chasing-related death?
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) November 10, 2014
“Don’t go chasing waterfalls…”
To the dude who just called me a "spinner" – You think I haven't seen enough porn to know what that means, but the joke's on YOU. Wait.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) November 10, 2014
Awesome.
Everyone please stop throwing parties for yourself. It’s ridiculous.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) November 10, 2014
It really is.
https://twitter.com/chrissyteigen/status/531880128276877312
Seriously, what happened to that?
Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off" and the theme to TOO MANY COOKS are in a caged death match over who gets to live in a loop in my head.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) November 10, 2014
You poor man.
Do yourself a favor, and stop saying "like" so much.
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) November 11, 2014
Like, why?
Rt if your mom is all about fwding email chain letters on varied conspiracies.
— KATY PERRY (@katyperry) November 11, 2014
So many retweets.
Thanks Veterans and their families. You deserve way more than this lousy tweet.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) November 11, 2014
They do indeed.
My basset hound must think the proper way to honor veterans is by taking a nice, long morning piss on my living room rug. #AssholeDog
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) November 11, 2014
Much better.
I'm talking to the cast of @SonsOfAnarchy tonight. I haven't been with this many men in black leather since every time my wife leaves town.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) November 11, 2014
TMI, Conan.
Just saw the best headline in the history of #CNN: "Bush on Bush.
— Rob Lowe (@RobLowe) November 11, 2014
I need to start watching CNN more.
https://twitter.com/WhitneyCummings/status/532246687780057088
I wondered what the hell those things were.
https://twitter.com/danieltosh/status/532261896402251776
Totally going to start doing that again.
As confused as I was, I feel like I understood the science behind Interstellar better than Ann Hathaway’s character did.
— (((Jew))) (@JoshMalina) November 11, 2014
But, but I thought she was a really good actress?
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/532277917397819392
He’s just a dead man walking now.
It's a hump day, have sex with someone before work or at work, either way just hump something it's Wednesday…
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) November 12, 2014
Words to live by.
https://twitter.com/JohnnyGWeir/status/532562968870133760
What are these “manners” you speak of?
Can’t believe Eminem cursed.
— (((Jew))) (@JoshMalina) November 12, 2014
Yes, very shocking indeed.
one of my proudest achievements is i sincerely have no idea who kim kardashian is thank you thank you
— Pete Holmes (@peteholmes) November 12, 2014
Not possible. Is it?
If it turns out the #CometLanding is the next part of Too Many Cooks I'm going to laugh-scream myself to death.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) November 12, 2014
That would be so awesome.
https://twitter.com/daxshepard1/status/532628475975180288
You are not alone, Dax.
https://twitter.com/JenKirkman/status/532805350164930560
Wait, what?
No, YOU'RE eating cookie dough out of the fridge at midnight!
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) November 13, 2014
Busted.
"Teeheeheeheeee that tickled!" – the Internet, defiantly not broken.
— josh groban (@joshgroban) November 13, 2014
Nice try, KimKSuperstar.
Been married to an angel for six months now. Since neither has maimed the other, lots of our friends owe us money. Pay up suckers!
— player/coach (@CMPunk) November 13, 2014
Hang on…
@CMPunk And to think 2 years ago you were bro'ing me on tv…also define "maimed".
— AJ Mendez (@TheAJMendez) November 13, 2014
That’s what I thought.
A man made probe landed on the moon and this is Page 3 of the papers. #NationOfIdiots pic.twitter.com/Ka9BgbNvxf
— Jim Norton (@JimNorton) November 13, 2014
Indeed.
Is there any way to specifically mute the 4 million photos of snowflakes in Central Park that are about to be tweeted?
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) November 13, 2014
Sadly, no.
https://twitter.com/SethMacFarlane/status/533007983874031616
Dude creeps me the fuck out.
They should make a mashup of Candy Crush & Tinder so you can play both at once.
Clear all NOPEs off the board to advance to the next level.— Dane Cook (@DaneCook) November 13, 2014
This is actually a great idea when you think about it.
If I don't find my suit jacket soon I'll never be able to play a lawyer on tv
— Alexandra Daddario (@AADaddario) November 13, 2014
So that’s all you need, suit jacket? Cool.
Oh, I am so troubled. So very, very troubled…
RT @NBAonTNT Kim Kardashian has some competition pic.twitter.com/rjHlUCkzRe— Rachel Nichols (@Rachel__Nichols) November 14, 2014
We all are, Rachel. We all are.
Kim Kardashians bigger than andre the giant
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) November 13, 2014
Have a great weekend, everybody!