by Reggie Noble on June 20, 2013

As you might imagine, yesterday was a pretty bleak day around the office.

But we’re not ones to dwell on the past around here. No, instead we look to the future. And we see Zimmer rising like a phoenix in the distance.

Here are some unsolicited ideas for his next endorsement deal. We think he’d be perfect for all of them.

Ex-Lax: “You’re going to like the way you shit. I guarantee it.”

Viagra: “You’re going to like the way you fuck. I guarantee it.”

Zimmer’s Prostitute Academy: “You’re going to like the way you hook. I guarantee it.”

Travelocity: “You’re going to like the way you book. I guarantee it.”

Nike: “Just do it.”

NBC: “You’re going to want to see this TV. I guarantee it.”

AC/DC Hypeman: “You’re going to like the amount of time you shook. I guarantee it.”

Olive Oil: “You’re going to like the way you cook. I guarantee it.”

Walter White PR Man: “You’re going to be addicted to what he cooks. I guarantee it.”

Used Car Salesman: “You’re going to get more than the Kelly Blue Book. I guarantee it.”

MySpace: “You’re going to like this better than Facebook. I guarantee it.”

………and what did we miss?

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