11:00: And "Modern Family" wins best comedy. We're all done. If there are any things to take away from this, it's that awards shows are the worst.
10:55: Wow, "Homeland" takes the award for best drama series. This is a definitive surprise—"Mad Men" was the favorite, but a few experts had figured this was the year "Breaking Bad" would finally come through. Instead this is definitely a "Homeland" night.
Which isn't really a bad thing—the actress who plays Sgt. Brody's wife, Morena Baccarin, is one of the hottest women on the planet. From Kevin Frazier's Twitter account:
10:45: Earlier in the night, "The Daily Show" won yet another Emmy for Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series (its ninth straight), and Jon Stewart was tackled to the ground by Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Colbert as he went up to accept the award. Finally, we have video of the moment (far and away the highlight of the night).
10:35: An update to that Seth MacFarlane microphone gaffe, from MacFarlane's Lockerz account:
10:25: Dick Clark gets "The Hammer" in the Emmys' memorium homage. Steve Jobs is also included in it, which is a bit of a stretch.
10:15: I'm not saying this show is dragging or anything, but I've started drinking and I'm showing incredible will power to not turn the channel to the Patriots-Ravens game. Kimmel has been disappointing so far, only a couple of the pre-recorded sketches have clicked, and the surprises have been minor. There hasn't even been a streaker like the football game has been lucky enough to have.
Steve Buscemi just gave out an award for... something, so this is as good a time as any to post Emma Stone, Kate Middleton, and Miley Cyrus with Steve Buscemi eyes.
9:55: Damian Lewis and Claire Danes just won best actor and actress in a drama series, respectively, for their work on "Homeland." Both are really good, but you do have to feel bad for Jon Hamm, who doesn't look like he's ever going to win for his portrayal of Don Draper.
This is more or less true for Danes as well:
9:45: I took the Josh Groban comedy act as an opportunity to go grunt out a BM, so my apologies for this entry not being entirely informative. But while in the bathroom, I've noticed that Judd Apatow is putting on an absolute CLINIC on how to be passive-aggressive on Twitter. This is a "Thanksgiving day conversation about politics"-level of thinly veiled disgust.
Apatow is the executive producer of Lena Dunham's "Girls." He's not pleased that "Girls"—a good but not great show—has not won anything yet.
He did make the "40 Year-Old Virgin" and "Knocked Up," so we can't hold it against him, though.
9:20: Tracy Morgan just passed out on stage. Pass it on.
And they just showed a trailer for "Skyfall," and now it's uncomfortable to be wearing sweatpants while sitting beside my roommate Brian.
9:15: Aaron Paul's a dude. He just won best supporting actor and I can't say anything cynical about it or sh*t on his speech in any way. A well-deserved honor.
Before Paul's win, Seth MacFarlane presented the award for best reality TV host and spoke for a solid 15 seconds by not standing in front of the microphone. Which was kind of ironic, considering he was presenting an award to people whose sole talent is doing just that. "That'll be on YouTube," he adlibbed. He was right.
9:00: Julia Louis-Dreyfus takes leading actress in a comedy because her talents really haven't been appreciated enough over the years. (Sorry: Just really would have liked to see Poehler get some love.) Then "The Amazing Race" wins best reality competition, even though I've never met a person who has ever watched that show. There is some sort of conspiracy happening that juices the ratings of that show and "NCIS." No one actually watches them.
Also, if you hadn't figured it out yet, this show is bullsh*t. Why? They did a montage from "The Year in Reality" and didn't include ONE CLIP FROM "BREAKING AMISH" IN IT. We're staring down the barrel of the greatest (possibly fake) reality show in history, and you can't put one clip in those three minutes? Everyone who is putting this show on is a terrible and diseased person.
8:45: Jon Cryer wins best supporting actor in a comedy series, which is funny because "Two and a Half Men" is f*cking terrible. Here's your real winner:
8:38: Louis C.K. wins best writing in a comedy series! It's his second win ever, and he's naturally humble. Julie Bowen then takes supporting actress in a comedy, and she gives a long thank you speech that contains multiple references to "nipple covers." It's pretty weird.
Aaron Paul (Jesse Pinkman) and Bryan Cranston (Walter White) are responsible for the highlight of the night so far with a hilarious take on "Breaking Bad" as "The Andy Griffith Show." Always good fun to see Barney Fife shot by two meth cooks. Also, if you're wondering who Paul's girlfriend is, her name is Lauren Parsekian. Here's some photos of her.
8:25: Amy Poehler and Louis C.K. present the first award of the night—best supporting actor in a comedy. Poehler and husband Will Arnette recently announced their separation, and so this is what a newly single woman wears to award shows:
"Modern Family's" Eric Stonestreet won the award, and he gave a nice heartfelt speech about his struggles to get to the spot. We're most reminded, though, of that great Kimmel joke from the White House Correspondents Dinner, when he said the husband of former presidential candidate Michelle Bachmann, Marcus, doubles as an "actor playing Cameron on the hit show Modern Family.”
8:10: Kimmel gives a kind of meh monologue. Some of the best jokes:
"Is anyone going to vote for Mitt Romney? [Scattered applause.] See, there's 40 Republicans here, and the rest are godless liberal homosexuals."
"Being a Republican in Hollywood is like being a Chick-fil-A sandwich on the set of Glee."
"Tonight, you will be asked to play your most challenging role yet: that of an actor who's happy for the success of another actor."
"So let's get this going. Poor Steve Buscemi hasn't eaten in a week."
8:05: Jimmy Kimmel kicks off the show with a long sketch that's one big botox joke. It's not the most cutting-edge humor, but the sight of Kimmel with duck lips and Joan Rivers eyebrows is funny enough. Nice Lena Dunham cameo in it, too—and yes, she's naked.
There's a bevy of TV actresses in the sketch. Ranking them based on looks:
1. Zooey Deschanel
2. Christina Hendricks
3. Connie Britton
4. Julia Louis-Dreyfus (somehow hotter than the Seinfeld years now)
5. Kathy Bates (tremendous nude scene in "About Schmidt")
PRESHOW: This year's Emmys seems more important than ones in years past. TV is, without a doubt, in its golden era: Dramas like "Mad Men," "Breaking Bad," "Homeland" and "Game of Thrones" rival any movie out there for complexity and quality, while comedies like "Parks and Recreation" and "Louie" are changing what their genre is capable of. It's a very good time to be a TV junkie like me.
Another reason why we, at least, are really excited for tonight's show: the host. 10 years ago, Jimmy Kimmel brought us a TV show where the hosts drank beer on air and the credits ran with girls jumping on trampolines. Now, he pokes fun at the president at the White House Correspondent's Dinner. He still has that Man Show attitude, though, and we think he'll be a lively host for the notoriously dry awards show.
Robb went ahead and made predictions for some of the major categories. Presumably because he's a dirty chauvinist, he didn't predict who's winning the female awards—so I've got Amy Poehler taking female comedy lead, Claire Danes winning drama lead, Sofia Vergara's breasts notching supporting comedic actress, and Christina Hendricks' breasts winning best supporting actress in a drama.
Robb Stark's Predictions:
Outstanding Comedy Series
"The Big Bang Theory," CBS, "Curb Your Enthusiasm," HBO, "Girls,"HBO, "Modern Family," ABC, "30 Rock," NBC, "Veep," HBO
I'd go as far to say that my second semester of senior year was largely compromised by TBS' decision to air re-runs of the "Big Bang Theory," a show whose addictive awkwardness is only trumped by the far-reaching galaxies from which you can see the predictable jokes and plot-lines coming. If Curb is this fields' San Antonio Spurs, then Lena Dunham's "Girls" is clearly the Oklahoma City Thunder. Her ability to capture the essence of white people problems is undeniably brilliant, but it'll be tough to compete against established heavyweights like "30 Rock" and "Modern Family."
As for "Veep?" Sure it's probably pretty good, but there's also this:
Pick: Modern Family
Outstanding Drama Series
"Boardwalk Empire," HBO, "Breaking Bad," AMC, "Downton Abbey," PBS, "Game Of Thrones," HBO, "Homeland," Showtime, "Mad Men," AMC
"Mad Men" has had a stranglehold on this sh*t in the past, but the field is probably one of the deepest in history. Any one of these could legitimately take away the crown, and nobody could really protest.
Out of all of these, Steve Buscemi and "Boardwalk Empire" may be the most out of their element (really just so I could make that reference), followed by sudden darling Downtown Abbey, whose association with "they have things that are watchable?" PBS will likely either make or break them in the eyes of voters. "Breaking Bad" is slowly but surely developing into possibly the greatest television drama of all-time, but that doesn't necessarily guarantee Emmy success. "The Wire," after all, walked away from these very awards empty-handed.
Really just a crapshoot. I'm taking the terrorist thriller "Homeland"--one because it seems to attract the type of fan-base whose eyes widen obnoxiously at the very word, and two, because it's the only one I haven't ever watched, and a victory here will serve as solid motivation.
The Pick: Homeland
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series
Jim Parsons, "The Big Bang Theory," CBS, Larry David, "Curb Your Enthusiasm," HBO, Don Cheadle, "House Of Lies," Showtime, Louis C.K. , "Louie," FX Networks, Alec Baldwin, "30 Rock," NBC, Jon Cryer, "Two And A Half Men," CBS
We always hear that critics have a hard-on for Mr. C.K. Time to put out, fellas.
The Pick: Louie
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series
Steve Buscemi, "Boardwalk Empire," HBO, Bryan Cranston, "Breaking Bad," AMC, Michael C. Hall, "Dexter," Showtime, Hugh Bonneville, "Downton Abbey" PBS, Damian Lewis, "Homeland," Showtime, Jon Hamm, "Mad Men," AMC
You'll notice there's a big correlation between this category and the overall series award, which is probably a good thing. Michael C. Hall's agenda-minded serial killer gets a well-deserved nod, as the rest of the rather capable crew. This however, is likely a two-horse race between the AMC Heavyweights. Draper's role as "Northerner in SAE" has always been incredibly convincing, but he's up against a Walter White, a dude who is now in the empire business. Season Four Walt was a little more innocuous, but no one f*cks with the one who knocks. "I won," isn't just an episodic gloat; it's a lifestyle.
The Pick: Heisenberg
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Aaron Paul, "Breaking Bad," AMC, Giancarlo Esposito, "Breaking Bad," AMC, Brendan Coyle, "Downton Abbey," PBS, Jim Carter, "Downton Abbey," PBS, Peter Dinklage, "Game of Thrones," HBO, Jared Harris, "Mad Men," AMC
The glaring omission of Richard Madden (Robb Stark) is a bit tough for me to handle. But alas, we fight on.
You may say that Lane Pryce packed quite the punch--as did Gus Fring--but I think there are really only two clear choices here. Aaron Paul has emerged as both an actor AND fan favorite (Michael K. Williams, AKA Omar, tweeted at Paul to "Break a Bad leg" earlier today), and his transformation from post rehab f*ck up to suddenly mature hombre is as stunning, and as beautiful an acting performance that we've witnessed in some time. On the other hand, Peter Dinklage's Tyrion Lannister has GoT (see what I did there?) to be one of the best-acted characters EVER, and we're only two seasons in. In a season where he thoroughly dominated, the "Blackwater" episode was essentially the year's Josh Hamilton four home-run, 8 RBI performance. While it'd pretty much be a crime not to give the nod to Dinklage, that is the type of sh*t that showbusiness thrives on.
The Pick: Aaron Paul