Entertainment
by Andy Moore on January 9, 2014

The Hollywood Reporter says that production will probably begin this summer on a new Point Break with a script from Salt's Kurt Wimmer. Invincible director Ericson Core is attached to direct. And Gerard Butler is in talks to play Bodhi. Swayze's role.

The film is said to be internationally set and will focus on not just surfing but extreme sports in general and AHHHHHHHH. SHIT. SHIT SHIT SHIT.

/bangs head on desk, recovers, puts on Ronald Reagan mask

Look: Point Break is one of the greatest movies ever made. PERIOD. It has surfing, violence, hot chicks, and Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze acting with each other. It has the names “Johnny Utah,” “Angelo Pappas,” and “Bodhi.” It has the most irrationally angry senior-FBI-agent-talks-to-younger-guy conversation in the history of genre filmmaking. It has philosophical conversations about something called the 50-Year Storm. And it has Suicide By 50-Year Storm. Viya con Dias.  

A lesser movie wouldn't have let Gary Busey improvise while reading Calvin & Hobbes comics, then just roll with the footage when he says, “Man that Calvin and Hobbes sure are funny, ha HA.” But Point Break did.

A lesser movie would've had its FBI character be worried that he pretty fucking clearly blew his cover by locking eyes with Reagan. But Point Break let Utah continue the case—even though it no longer made any sense whatsoever for him to be undercover—because it was cool as shit that Keanu and Swayze kept hanging out together. And skydive together. This movie taught me that addiction to adrenaline is the most dangerous addiction of them all. 

Do you think Point Break cared that Busey had recently had a brain injury when he filmed his role? No. Because Busey was awesome.

You don't redo The Godfather because you want to add lens flares and Kristen Stewart. Citizen Kane isn't remade because Orson Welles is dead and Gerard Butler promises he can pull off a SoCal accent. THEN WHY POINT BREAK.

Christ. There's going to be a fucking hacker in Bodhi's crew, isn't there? Some coked-out screenwriter definitely thinks that throwing in a hacker makes the crime “international.” Justin fucking Long is going to play Rosie as a hacker.

This movie cannot live. It's a pandering attempt at milking any goodwill out of the last 23 years of Utah and Bodhi, and Hollywood thinks we're dumb enough to get suckered into an “timely” story about extreme sports. HEY WHAT IF THE FINAL HEIST IS AT THE #XGAMES? Like Bodhi wasn't fine as just a surfer. He had to be goddamn Otto Rocket.

This movie is acid in my mouth. The bastards have gone too far.