Watch John Cena Try To Resist An Alien Abduction In This Outstanding ‘WWE 2K16’ Glitch

WELP! Omens come in threes. Isn’t that a saying? Regardless, sayings won’t matter when aliens take over this fucking planet. In the span of one week, we’ve had a certified UFO casually flying over Los Angeles, a deceased baby alien found in a San Jose, California resident’s backyard, and now this–aliens have infiltrated our video game systems and sending passive aggressive threats.

This was a deliberate, and frankly ingenious, move by those extraterrestrial bastards. If they are going to symbolically abduct one human being, why not pack a punch by abducting one of the most physically imposing men in the public eye? These fuckers are smart, bros. We’re playing checkers, they’re playing chess. Hug your loved ones. Winter may be coming sooner than expected.

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.