6 Reasons The Town Of Hollywood, Florida CRUSHES Hollywood, California

Tinseltown. The second-largest media market in the US. Home of movie stars like Leonardo DiCaprio and Jennifer Lawrence. Of course, we’re talking about Hollywood…Florida?! Alright, we’re not, but if Joseph W. Young had his way, we would have been referring to the Hollywood in Florida and not in California.

In the 1920s, Young dreamed of building a brother city to La La Land on the East Coast, which is why he named Hollywood, Florida “Hollywood by the Sea.” The new Comedy Central show, Big Time in Hollywood, FL, is set in the awesome town of Hollywood, Florida and follows two aspiring filmmakers who fall deep into the shit after faking a hostage situation to raise money for a movie project. Big Time in Hollywood, FL airs Wednesdays at 10:30pm/9:30c on Comedy Central or watch the first episode for free RIGHT NOW by clicking here.

To honor Young’s spectacular-but-ultimately-failed vision, and celebrate the location of one of the funniest new shows on TV, here are six reasons why the Florida version of Hollywood crushes its California counterpart.

The Young and the Restless

Majority of the population in Hollywood, FL is young—like 59%. Everyone’s favorite Internet source Wikipedia reveals that the breakdown is as follows: “21.3% under the age of 18, 7.0% from 18 to 24, 31.3% from 25 to 44.” With a majority of people who know who Joseph Gordon-Levitt, but not what the hell a Fraggle Rock is, you know you’re in for fun in the sun.

Born and Raised in the Bright Lights

One of the biggest shows on TV right now is The Walking Dead. Norman Reedus, who plays Daryl Dixon (and was also in Boondock Saints, a great film if you’ve never seen it), was born and raised in Hollywood! Yup, one of the people who’s humanity’s last chance for surviving the zombie apocalypse came from Young’s dream beach community. Oh, and champion gamer and mullet-enthusiast Billy Mitchell, who recorded the first perfect score in Pac-Man (calm yourselves, ladies—he’s spoken for), operates Ricky’s World Famous Restaurant chain here. Map of the stars’ homes, anyone?

Boardwalk Empire

Hollywood, FL has six miles of boardwalk. Six miles! Most people can’t jog that far. Hell, most people can’t drive that far. So that’s saying something!

Unofficial Home of “The Show Off”

OK, so you Californians want to keep running your mouths about how your city is so much better than the Florida version? Fine. But you’ll have to deal with Dolph Ziggler’s wrath. The former Intercontinental Champion (and now challenger at Wrestlemania XXXI) lives here. So you can have your DiCaprios, Lawrences, and Clooneys. You say another bad word about Hollywood, FL, and you’ll get Zig-Zagged. It’s a wrestling thing.

California has “Hollywood” Types

Speaking of the DiCaprios, Lawrences, and Clooneys, aren’t you sick and tired of these Hollywood types? These pretentious, hypocritical, entitled multi-millionaires who preach to you all the time? Hollywood’s new adopted badass, Liam Neeson, has resurrected his career (and made a boatload of money in the process) by playing a man with a particular set of skills in the Taken trilogy. Yet, he believes that “there is just too many [expletive] guns out there. Especially in America. I think the population is like, 320 million? There’s over 300 million guns. Privately owned, in America. I think it’s a [expletive] disgrace.” He found it to be so disgraceful that he took in $20,000,000 alone to film Taken 3.

You think Hollywood, FL puts up with nonsense like this?! Absolutely not. Joltin’ Joe DiMaggio, a beloved Yankee who was also known for his marriage to Marilyn Monroe, became a model citizen in the mid 1950’s. Upon Monroe’s death, for the rest of his, DiMaggio had half a dozen roses delivered to her crypt three times a week for 20 years. He died in 1999…in Hollywood, FL. That’s the kind of citizen it accepts in its town!

Only the Strong Survive

Look, Hollywood, FL has already survived its natural disaster—in 1926, a Miami hurricane devastated the town. But because the place was built on hopes and dreams, and you can’t kill a dream, it rose like a phoenix and rebuilt itself to be the best Hollywood in the world.

Let’s face it—karma’s a bitch, and when Hollywood, CA finally receives its comeuppance (that’s not smog that hovers over the city of Los Angeles, it’s the noxious pretentious gas being emitted by all the celebrities who think that America really gives a rat’s ass about their opinions on issues instead of us just wanting to see how hot they look shirtless), that earthquake that wipes out that city will be so massive that all the action stars combined won’t be able to save the inferior Hollywood.

Long live Hollywood, FL!

Big Time in Hollywood, FL airs Wednesdays at 10:30pm/9:30c on Comedy Central or watch the first episode for free RIGHT NOW by clicking here.