Entertainment
by Soletron on August 20, 2013

10. The NES Jaws

The old NES Jaws game is loosely based off the movie of the same name, specifically Jaws: The Revenge which was the final movie of the series. Players will pilot a boat across the sea, stirring up sea creatures until you spot Jaws’ iconic dorsal fin and release a diver into the water. If you can get Jaws to breach the water’s surface, and properly position your boat and jab it into Jaws, you can fully defeat him. Being that it’s for NES, it’s quite difficult to control and will require a lot of patience. Players will probably have more fun catching starfish and fighting stingrays instead. I don’t know about you, but if Jaws is swimming up to my boat, I’m not diving into the water to attempt to fight it off – I’m getting the hell out of there.

9. Snacker The Shark In Banjo-Kazooie

A vicious, hungry shark found in the waters of Treasure Trove Cove and Rusty Bucket Bay in the game Banjo-Kazooie. The music is reminiscent of the Jaws theme if Banjo decides to swim too far from shore. If you constantly jump out of the water, you can outrun Snacker – who has a tendency to swim faster than you. If Banjo is able to get to land, Snacker loses interest and will disappear within a few seconds. Snacker the Shark is a constant threat while you are swimming and is a bit difficult to get rid of, kind of like real sharks, but it can be done. Strange part is the Snacker in Treasure Trove talks constantly about Banjo being his next meal, while the Snacker in Rusty Bucket doesn’t talk at all. If a shark starts openly discussing that you’re his next meal and you actually understand him, it’s time to seek help.

8. Neptune From Resident Evil

A great, white shark hopped up on t-Virus released by scientists who had suddenly gone mad. Neptune appears in Resident Evil 1, Resident Evil Outbreak and Umbrella Chronicles and is basically all your nightmares combined. Although the scientists were disappointed that the t-Virus didn’t actually increase the great white’s strength enough to help them survive out of the water, it still scared the living sh*t out of us. Zombie sharks don’t exist, right?

7. The Lurker Shark In Jak And Daxter

There’s nothing worse than a shark lurking in the water and The Lurker Shark in Jak and Daxter just chills there to prevent you from wandering too far out into the open water. That’s nice, right? Sure, until it swallows you whole. There’s nothing less realistic than a neon safety vest orange shark other than a shark that roars. The Lurker sharks greet you with a roar and a heartbeat and if you can’t make it to shore before the heartbeat reaches you, you’re shark bait.

6. The Sharks In Far Cry 3

Nothing says realistic like shark punching! I mean, if shark punching hasn’t become a sport yet, I’m calling it now, it’s going to be real soon. You know it’s probably Chuck Norris approved, and it shows just how masculine you really are, that you didn’t need to whip out your rifle to battle it off. Essentially Far Cry 3 had a little bit of everything from shark punching to pirate killing, hang gliding and rape. But Jason Brody’s interests are diverse and punching a bullhead in the face multiple times is a true testament to a badass game.

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5. The Shark From Scarface

When you take too much cocaine, anything can happen – even Tony Montana getting brutally eaten by a shark. In Scarface: The World Is Yours, Tony somehow survives one of the most iconic murders ever and ends up in a safe house regretting all his bad decisions. Vowing to give up his cocaine addiction and reclaim his massive drug empire and all his assets, Tony comes back to Miami to seek revenge on Sosa. It’s only natural though that he’d like to take a dip in the water that surrounds Miami and explore, but if players choose to do that and spend too much time there, you’re treated to a gruesome execution worse than the ending of Scarface.

 

4. Cyber Shark From Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

When encountering a cyber shark – which you know is from the future due to the word ‘cyber’ in front of it, none of your weapons will work. This shark has a metallic skin-coating and neon yellow eyes and teeth which are two things that should never be combined. A plain old shark is bad enough, but a glow-in-the-dark one that won’t die from anything other than a laser katana is pretty scary.

3. The Land Shark Gun From Armed And Dangerous

This game brings to life a hilarious concept that you aren’t safe anywhere from sharks – even on land. If a shark could reach you on land, what would you do? With a homing missile you launch the shark with a clearly visible fin at your target enemy. Everything pauses as the shark disappears underground and then BOOM, bursts high into the air devouring the enemy as he screams for his life. Sounds terrible, but it’s pretty hilarious and totally justified in the context of the game.

 

2. Gran Bruce From Viewtiful Joe

It really doesn’t get any more life-like than this. Aquatic Terror Gran Bruce is a shark-like agent of Jadow who can’t even finish simple sentences and it’s clear he’s suffered some serious head trauma in the past. He even reveals how to get to Jadow’s base and other pertinent information to you. How many sharks do you know that need flippers, a snorkel and an oxygen tank under water? He’s pretty much an idiot but a pain in the ass to beat.

1. Jaws From Jaws Unleashed

This game is lacking in a lot of things but it makes up for it by allowing you to rip apart swimmers limb by limb in what is quite a gory representation in a video game. This chick nearly escapes and is basically on land, but gets pulled back in and tossed, bit and ripped to shreds, piece by piece as she screams to warn others, “SHARK!” (a little late perhaps since she’s laying lifeless in an pool of blood). You play as Jaws, which is a nice change-up from the other games on this list. For everything this game lacks – narrative, direction, control, focus – it makes up for by allowing you to eat anything you want by being a f*cking shark.

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