Westeros Class of 2013. 

Theon Greyjoy

Claim to Fame: Every fraternity pledge class has a mistake. Often, this is the person who’d you’d least expect to be downright awful--they’ll have a relatively normal background, are good enough at holding a conversation, and on the surface, appear to be “just another dude.” But it’s those you’ve gotta watch out for.

Academics:  At first, you thought nothing of his strange fascination with age-old empires and propensity to write all his papers on Alexander the Great. Then, you realized this was some strange attempt at studying the very people he sought to replicate. Then, you realized that he, as many a history major is nowadays, completely doomed.

Fun Fact: He was the kid awkwardly told that since the group was getting a four person apartment instead of a five, someone had to be cut out. 

Jorah Mormont

Claim to Fame: Getting really emotionally close with girls--even spending entire days doing date-ish activities that he'd never otherwise do if he weren't implicitly guaranteed “quality time” later--only to sink further and further down into the dredges of the friend zone.

Academics: Classics major, with a minor in theater. Or something that really furthers the ambiguousness of his sexuality.

Fun Fact: He’s a sucker for the chase. After spending about a year and a half courting one girl who finally gave in, he proceeded to treat her like a total dick. Everyone was surprised, and didn’t believe her because he’s like “seriously probably the only nice guy left on campus.”

Daenerys Targaryen

Claim to Fame: The fearless leader of a campus group who, although a semi-important part of the campus ecosystem, does not exactly have the universal following needed to push her agenda on all of the college. Well go with a capella.

Academics: Totally that girl in discussion sections who gets unnecessarily fired up about whatever point she is making.

Fun Fact: Not as many dudes want to sleep with her as she thinks. INITIALLY they did, but then they realized what a nightmare of a consistent hookup she’d turn into.

Jon Snow

Claim to Fame: At every college, there’s this group of kids who aren’t on the soccer team, but spend an ungodly amount of time doing soccer-related activities--pickup games every month of the year, weird group watches at bars on the other side of town that no one else ever goes to, and the most random of drinking events and rituals. almost all pertaining to some big-time soccer match.

Because of their seemingly intense bond regarding something nobody else could ever relate to, liken this group the your campus “Men of the Night’s Watch.” It also may just be me, but aside from the long-time serious girlfriend that is now a member of the group, these specimen don’t ever seem to interact with women.

Academics: International relations, some language, or anything else that’ll prepare him for at least a decade of not living in the states.

Fun Fact: The collegiate Jon Snow always wore shirts that were decidedly too small, but never with the intention to impress the ladies.

Joffrey Baratheon

Claim to Fame: Using his status as a quadruple legacy and huge donor to not get suspended or expelled, despite that being wholly deserved.

Academics: That kid who mysteriously doesn’t have a major, yet ends up with an internship at an ungodly presitigious investment firm that doesn't even hire interns.

Fun Fact: Despite him being an unequivocally despicable person, he’s arguably the most sought after person on campus. By girls, because nice dinners and one-percenter things, and guys because, well, girls. And for the reliably entertaining game of will he or won’t he? drop over $250 every night out.

(Sidenote: If you have a really rich friend, this always is a great game to play)

Cersei Lannister

Claim to Fame: Have you ever seen one of those horrendously made straight to DVD sorority movies starring a very hot, but spectacularly evil super-bitch President? They didn't get that shit out of nowhere.

Academics: Connections > Going to Class, but give them a marketing/management major just to pass the time. 

Fun Fact: She never pays for drinks, but every bartender is too scared to call her out on it

Tyrion Lannister

Claim to Fame: At first ostracized for sophomoric reasons, but after outsmarting campus police while simultaneously owning his primary bully (all at the same party), he wins the unequivocal affection of the entire school. Which he then leverages into a successful foray into student government, and becomes the first student in 10 years to make actual changes. He prefers presiding as the student body VP, but it's not exactly a secret who's really running shit. 

Academics: Greatest philosophy student the school has ever seen. 

Fun Fact: He's underratedly good at intramural flag football. 

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