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Who will win the Game of Bros, Bros?
Each week, I will break down who were the chillest Bros on the new season of the most decidedly not chill show Game of Thrones. Here are the rankings for Episode One: The Wars to Come
First up, the night’s two non-chill Bros.
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Tyrion Lannister
Although Tyrion Lannister may be one of the show’s most Bro characters, he is not a chill Bro here. Tyrion couldn’t even say a simple thank you to Lord Varys for shepherding him across the Narrow Sea. Come on, dude.
Chill Bro Points: -100
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Jon Snow
You may think shooting an arrow through your friend’s heart to spare him the indignity and pain of burning to death is chill, but I ask you, “Is it?”
Chill Bro Points: -50
Now on to the chill Bros.
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5. Mance Rayder
Stoicism and chillness are often one and the same. No Bro has faced his death in a more chill manner than Mance Rayder did last night.
Chill Bro Points: 100
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4. Poderick
He doesn’t care that Brienne of Tarth is not a knight. That’s pretty chill.
Chill Bro Points: 200
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3. Lord Varys
Helping your friend escape the realm of Westeros after he assassinated the Hand of the King is pretty chill. So is throwing his poop into the ocean.
Chill Bro Points: 300
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2. The Dude Boning Loras Tyrell
Boning someone attractive is chill. Boning someone extremely attractive who is also powerful is even chiller. Plus, he doesn’t even stop playing with Loras’ diddly when his sister walks in. Now that’s chill.
Chill Bro Points: 400
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1. The Wall
There’s nothing more chill than doing nothing and chilling, which is all the Wall did this episode. When it does do something, it is protecting the million plus Bros behind it from zombies. Very chill, indeed.
Chill Bro Points: 500
Disagree? Bring your arguments to the comments. And check back next week for Episode Two’s rankings.