I’m starting to feel like I’m the only girl in the world who isn’t excited for 50 Shades of Grey to come out on Saturday. Granted, I haven’t read the book and I don’t plan to either, but going to see a romance movie on Valentine’s Day just seems cliché. The only way I’d have any interest in seeing the film is if I got paid to go see it, which won’t happen, which means I’ll just have to somehow keep living my life until it comes out on the premium channels months from now and I’m stuck watching it because the remote is too far away from me and I can’t be bothered to get up and grab it.
But you know who will be going to see 50 Shades of Grey when it comes out? 12-year-olds…in France. Because France gives no fucks and knows a cheesy romance movie when they see it. According to the president of France’s Board of Film Classification, the film is a “schmaltzy romance” and “not a film that can shock a lot of people.” Clearly the guy’s never been to the United States, because we over here are a country of prudes where even a tiny nip slip can make parents wet themselves in fear that little Suzy Q might realize that she too has boobs…or at least will at some point.
Jean-Francois Mary, president of France’s Board of Film Classification, deemed that Fifty Shades of Grey ‘isn’t a film that can shock a lot of people.’
Mr Mary considers the film, that contains scenes of nudity and sadomasochism between an entrepreneur and a virginal student, ‘a romance, you could even say schmaltzy.’
The ’12’ rating follows accusations by several American and British reviewers that the film is too tame.
In a barrage of reviews published on Tuesday night, most of those who sat down with the raunchy adaptation ahead of its 13 February release date lamented its ‘run-of-the-mill’ lovemaking.
One critic pointed out that sex only makes up 15 minutes of the two-hour runtime. Another pointed out that there are no visible genitals, no orgasms – and not that much nudity.
Well…yeah. What did you expect? The only way the film would be raunchy enough to keep all the middle-aged mommies out there who read the book happy would be to make it NC-17, but then it wouldn’t make any money and what kind of mother goes to see a NC-17 movie? 50 Shades was doomed to fail from the start. My guess is that it’ll have a big opening weekend, then critics and everyone who shelled out $10.50 to go see it will crap everywhere and complain about how much it sucked, then it’ll have a massive dip-off during weekend #2 and no one will care anymore.
[H/T Daily Mail]