Entertainment
by J. Camm on February 5, 2014

DMX_The_Weigh_In

This is not a gag. What it is, however, is GREAT NEWS. According to TMZ, DMX and George Zimmerman have actually scheduled a “celebrity” boxing match against each other.  Although I’m not exactly sure why people are calling Zimmerman a “celebrity.”

DMX is no fan of Zimmerman; he wants to take long morning piss all over Zimmerman’s person. He’s got to be excited that he was picked, by boxing promoter Damon Feldman, out of a pool of 15,000 applicants who all were eager and willing to take on Zimmerman. Before the fight was announced, the 43-year-old rapper told TMZ, “I am going to beat the living fuck out him. I am breaking every rule in boxing to make sure I fuck him right up.”

Whoa.

Such an awesome, open-ended statement. Really allows for him to do anything and then say, “I told you I was gonna do this shit (barking noises).” Hell, he can even pull an expandable riot baton out of his trunks and we’re not allowed to be surprised, because he warned us.

That said, George Zimmerman much younger than DMX and has likely smoked less cigarettes and he’s probably done juuuuust a bit less drugs. But he’s not going to win.

R.I.P., George Zimmerman.

P.S. I hope on his way to the ring, the hood on DMX’s boxing robe falls off his head causing him to react accordingly. 

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