Noted wordsmith and Bro Legend Karl Welzein, who runs the Twitter account @dadboner, has begun a script for a remake of "Roadhouse" called "Roadhouse 2012: Pain Still Don't Hurt." The first act, which you can find here, is pretty much the greatest thing we've ever read.
As he explains in the intro:
Attention all Hollywood head honchos. If you're lookin' for the next big summer smash ($$$) I think I got a real premium script in the works. Name's Karl Welzein, President and CEO of Bad Boy City Entertainment and possible future big business owner. Below, you'll feast your eyes on a taste of the gold, if you catch my drift. It's the first scene of ROADHOUSE: PAIN STILL DON'T HURT, starring Guy Fieri. It's pretty much the film America's been cravin' for. I'd also be willing to co-star in the film to keep costs low, (more $$$ for ya) and plus, when I put my mind to it, man, I get in some primo shape. But to be honest, the babes don't really ever have any complaints about my bod. I haven't rapped at Guy Fieri about the project yet, but pretty sure he's down.
We created a GoFundMe.com page to accept donations for the film's production costs. Plenty of money is going to have to be spent to lock down Guy Fieri, Van Halen, and all the consensual ladies with rockin' chest beefers the movie is going to need, so we capped it at $10 million. We figured that would wake Hollywood up to the urgency of the script.
Unfortunately, phrases like "This is a really f*cking bad idea," "Why did we hire you?" and "This is a lawsuit waiting to happen" were bandied about the office, so we've taken down the page and screencapped it for posterity.
Let this instead be a guide to anyone actually involved in the Twitter account to do the same thing and get this idea rolling. And if a full movie isn't possible, at least a short video?