Let’s face it, Chris Brown got owned by Jenny Johnson and he admitted it the second he “Quit” Twitter. I put quit in quotation marks because this is repeat behavior for our favorite angry R&B drama queen. We all know within the next month he’ll be back on Twitter apologizing to his fans for his potty mouth; which is exactly what you call the mouth of someone who can’t conjure a better comeback than this pitiful toilet talk, “mom says hello... She told me not to shart in ur mouth, wanted me to shit right on the retina.” Pretty hilarious to read the ignorance of an angry celebrity with an IQ of dumb. Let’s see if we can derive some meaning in all of this.
Whoa Chris, immediately to the dick sucking? I know you’re a testosterone plagued 23 year old and all but jeez, you haven’t even wined or dined her. Don’t you think you should at least take her on a date before you whip out your man jerky? And what makes you believe that she wears dentures? Has Jenny Johnson ever indicated that she could remove her teeth? Maybe your thing is a woman with dentures, but seriously man, keep that shit to yourself and say something instead like, “That wasn’t very nice” or NOTHING. Also, your use of the word “them” is improper, you should have said take YOUR (assuming they belong to her) teeth out or take THOSE (assuming that they might belong to someone else) teeth out. Finally, when it comes to a ho or a hoe I always remember it like this, “You can’t turn a HO into a housewife, but a housewife can HOE.” Next time this happens, you shouldn’t even have to think twice about the spelling of ho!
Really Chris? That’s the best you could come up with? Farting? This is something you do to your sister when you’re in elementary school. I’m literally embarrassed for you that you said this. I can’t read this without hearing it in the voice of a second grader, albeit an advanced second grader with a brother who taught him what top was, but a second grader nonetheless. With this single statement, you have indicated to the world that you do not write your own songs. Because if you did, you probably could have come up with something better than a fart insult (or at least we all hope you could have).
Wow, you finally got her… WITH THE WORST GRAMMAR EVER! You ended a goddamn sentence with a comma Christopher? I’d really like to think that this was a simple typo, but you give me NO reason to believe that you actually know that a period is supposed to end a sentence. This in of itself is a tragedy, but not even close to the tragedy of you bringing your poor mother in to this battle. You’ve gone and told Jenny that your mother ENCOURAGED you, not to fart and shit at the same time in to her mouth, but instead to do it directly in to her retina. Don’t make us hate your Mom too, when you should be rightfully getting all the hate. She’s probably too old to handle all the haters you would bring upon her and there is a very small chance that she actually knows what a shart is. Next time, maybe leave your Mom (the woman who gave birth to you) out of it.
So this tweet is affirmation of Jenny’s prior tweet indicating that you are flirting with her. Weird way to flirt bro. Next time, try not to be so forward with the shitting and farting in a girl’s eye thing. That usually comes months and months down the road when there’s trust developed and she knows you won’t beat her. Also the bushpig hashtag is just silly and not really adding anything to your embarrassment of an insult.
LET you leave her alone? Oh my, I didn’t know people were making you do this? Glad you could show mercy bro, because if those people that were making you do this had their way, Jenny would probably have been threatened with a lot more fecal matter. This tweet is also indication that you are in fact delusional with the whole "iwin" hashtag. You win what? If you call that a win in a war of words, I would love to see a loss! Also, adding swag to the end of the original bushpig hashtag makes it sound cool. Swag is cool right? This makes no sense Christopher. The original bushpig hashtag wasn’t very good and now you give it swagger? It’s extremely confusing to all parties involved. Not sure of your tactics, but they aren’t very impressive or well thought out at all.
That’s what we all got Jenny, that’s what we all got.
In the end Chris Brown would have been better off ignoring Jenny to avoid this whole PR massacre. He has millions of dollars and can literally have whatever he wants in the world, whenever he wants it. Why he chose to stoop so low, only he will know; but when you are a high profile celebrity such as he, you have to expect this kind of thing from the haters of the world. Plus, he sort of brought all of it upon himself with that whole Rihanna beating thing. Hopefully Chris learned his lesson because from now until he’s irrelevant, he will have to face the consequences of all his childish and irreverent behavior.
Aristotle is a Florida based comedian who thinks that the worst thing Chris Brown ever did was be born. You can follow him on Twitter @STOTLE.