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Beach Hotties and Meatheads Shock Douche in Popped Collar When They Know Nothing Of American History

By 05.29.14

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The low hanging fruit here is to make fun of these beach dolts for knowing nothing about American history, and go on some rant about how our education system failed us, and blah blah blah. But I’m not gonna do that.

Yes, these people are idiots. They think we fought the Revolutionary War against China, and the Russians bombed Pearl Harbor. For all of their hilariously dumb answers, I thank them, as it gave me some good chuckles.

But there’s nothing really shocking here. A bunch of good looking people with great bodies not knowing simple American history that every fifth grader should know is not newsworthy. I’d be angrier if they actually knew the answers to these questions because then that would mean that they’re attractive AND they’re smart.

Knowing stuff is for monsters like me. I can’t rely on a chiseled physique or perfect bone structure to get through life, so I’m forced to acquire a personality and an education. But these people? They don’t need that shit.

Can you imagine a world in which good looking people were also smart? What the hell would the rest of us do? Within two generations we’d be wiped off the face of the Earth because there’d be no use for us. I applaud their ignorance, and beg them never to change.

And correspondent Jesse Watters is fully just trolling all of us these days with his tucked in polo, popped collar, and shit-eating grin. I’m not taking the bait, dude.

Sidenote – how ’bout the copy accompanying the video on Fox News’ website? The race of the interview subjects is never mentioned, except once…

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[Shoutout to @CohenTweets for the tip]

Brandon Cohen
About Brandon Cohen... Brandon Cohen was raised by Jew gypsies on the sleepy island of Manhattan, and went on to defy the odds by graduating from a four-year accredited university in Nashville, TN. He's a writer and aspiring street fight videographer. Back in 2008, Brandon talked to Amanda Bynes at a club in LA for over fifteen minutes.

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