On Wednesday night, Amy Schumer was promoting her new movie Trainwreck on The Tonight Show and brought the funny. She started her amazing appearance by commenting on Jimmy Fallon’s gruesome hand injury, “You hurt your hand in the shape of the ‘Shocker.’ I think that’s inappropriate.”
When asked how her new-found fame has changed her life the comedian replied, “I’m at all these fancy things. Famous people want to talk to me. Well they don’t, but now I’m allowed to talk to them.”
First Amy talked about attending the TIME’s 100 Most Influential People In The World Gala, and instead of talking to the noble people who risk their lives fighting Ebola, Amy swooned over Bradley Cooper because he’s had great influence over her. Amy had a conversation with Bradley, and even started fantasizing about marrying the Hollywood hunk. Then the next day she saw Bradley at the Correspondents Dinner. He was with his possible girlfriend, supermodel Irina Shayk, who Amy described as a “panther and leopard mated and made the most bangable human” who sounds like “she’s having an orgasm whenever she speaks.”
Miss Schumer then told of another celebrity encounter at the Glamour’s Women of the Year Awards where she sat at a table with Katie Couric, Mindy Kaling and Stephen Colbert. Schumer took on Mindy in an unofficial “bread-off” to see who could eat more bread. Amy won.
Then Katie made the always horrible bad decision of leaving her phone unattended to at the table. That’s when Amy instinctively grabbed the famous journalist’s phone and texted, “I wanna have anal tonight” to Couric’s husband. And oddly enough, 90 seconds later Katie and her husband left the event extremely abruptly.
Amy then flaunted her acting chops in an improv skit with Fallon where the two had to change their emotions every time a bell rang. The sentiments ranged from acting condescendingly to shocked to drunk to horny and scared. Schumer even had to portray someone who confuses “pirates” and “pilots,” which she nailed.
I’m so glad that Hollywood has yet to change the always hilarious Amy Schumer.