Yes, seven nights of Shark programming is absolutely ridiculous. That’s what defines greatness and greatness is what defines Shark Week. That is why we f-ing love it. No great hero is defined by a life of mediocrity: Michael Jordan, Afrojack, Will Ferrell, Louis CK, Chromeo, Jerry Seinfeld. All these Bros go above and beyond and surprise us by perpetually pushing the envelope, leaving an element of surprise... just like Shark Week.
If King Triton or Poseidon held an Olympics, Sharks would be Team USA (or, er, China), because they always prevail far ahead of the competition. The shark is nature’s most successful predator and has been virtually unchanged since the dawn of time due to their cunning abilities to get what they want when they want it. And THAT is why they get 7 days of primetime programming in the television event of the summer.
Bros and Sharks have a lot in common, which is why if bros were aquatic animals, sharks would be their version of a dog, as in their best friend. Here's 5 reasons Bros love Sharks and Shark Week.
Bros are the Sharks at the Bar
When a bro goes to a bar (or anywhere with babes) he has his pick of who he’s going home with, because “for the fin is for the win." And Bros are always winning. Shark Week is a perfect opener while at the bar, because anyone who has 1/10th of a personality will get excited over the mention. If they don’t and they can't talk about "Air Jaws 2" for at least five minutes, you just dodged a boring bullet. If you don’t like Shark Week, you might as well be living in Antarctica, as we’re never going to interact or have anything in common.
A Bro has the swag to get what he wants when he wants it. Bro, how many girls do you have on your 3 AM roster? That’s what I thought. If option #1 doesn’t work out, Bros keep their cool and move on to the next, just like a shark hungry for his next meal. Sharks and Bros always have back-up plans because they know there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Bros already "Live Every Week Like It’s Shark Week."
Shark Week is the best week of the year because it comes with a certain level of finthusiasm, something Bros have year round. “We don’t sleep til the fin goes down” - you bet your girlfriend’s neon denim cutoffs Bros don’t. The finthusiasm of Shark Week is unparalleled by the masses, and Bros recognize this as an opportunity for everyone to be on their level for seven consecutive days, welcoming all with open fins. We see people making drinking games centered around Shark Week (here's the most definitive one on the Internet) and, rather than waving to greet one another in the street, people will raise a fin to the top of their head as a way of saying “Good day," just like it's a Jimmy Buffett concert
Sharks and Bros Do Things One Way: Aggressively.
Have you ever seen a casual shark attack? No, because just like Bros, once sharks commit to something they give it everything they’ve got. Sharks and Bros leave it all on the court and go hard in the paint and ultimately dominate. Bros “kill” everything they do: from “killin it” on the spreadsheets in the ol’ 9-5 to a wild night "killin it" on the dance floor until 3 AM. Sharks are creatures of the wild and need to survive, so once they’ve decided it’s feed time, they determine their prey and, well, literally kill it... In fact, that's probably where term “killin it” first derived..
“How was last night?”
“How was your grandma’s 90th birthday party?”
“Hows’s work goin?”
“Just killed a PowerPoint pres.”
“How’s your day goin?”
“Just killed it. Takin a nap now.”
Here is evidence that, despite how differentiated the activities may be, (everything from napping to partying) Bros find a way, like sharks, to adapt to their environment and kill it... with swag might I add.
Why do you think they call a room full of board room execs sharks? Because those board room execs are on the top of the food chain, all other living beings within a company must bow before the board room sharks. They have the ability to terminate an employee’s existence at the drop of a pin, as do sharks. A wise person once said it best: "Got to learn to swim with the sharks in order to be a shark."
Sharks Have Defined a Network
When you hear someone say “Discovery Channel” - what is the first thing that comes to mind...Shark Week and greatness. This is one of the most admired stunts in television programming history, the finthusiasm and the fans it has generated are unparalleled by anything else. Shark Week is Leonardo da Vinci’s Mona Lisa, which has been claimed to be “the best known, the most visited, the most written about, the most sung about, the most parodied work of art in the world." Exactly like Shark Week, timeless and untouchable. It may be copied, but never duplicated, and it’s always sought after. Bros are admired by others, people want to live the life of the bro, but not everyone is destined for it - a select few are premeditated for greatness; natural selection is no joke, Bro. If you lived in the ocean, wouldn’t you want to be a shark? It’s like being born into royalty or as the heir to P. Diddy’s fortune.
This is more than just quality programming and anyone who understands that knows Shark Week is a way of life. It’s about living life to the fullest and taking advantage of all opportunities, seizing the moment and not letting anything get in the way of your success, making your greatness admirable. Follow your fin, follow your heart, and always remember the journey is just as important as the destination.
On that note my friends, I encourage you to tune to Discovery Channel Sunday August 12th at 9P for Shark Week’s 25th Anniversary premiere. Where yo fin at? (said in the medly of “Where yo head at”)...Get it up and have some fun and pay respect to one of the greatest weeks ever created. I think it was Abe Lincoln who once said, “It’s not the years that count in the end, it’s the amount of Shark Week in your years.”
If you’d like to help protect your shark brethren by helping to put a ban on shark finning, please visit this site to learn more about this atrocious act and contribute to saving this beautiful species. They’ve been unchanged since the dawn of time, so let’s leave them untouched. Thanks for the support. A fistpound for the Fin.