Rumors of a 4th Mighty Ducks movie hit the internet a week ago with hints at what the film would possibly be about. I was slightly disappointed with some of the suggestions, so I decided to write what the Disney plot should be along with a few other ways The Mighty Ducks 4 could go if the film got put into the wrong hands.
Tyler Perry’s Version: Tyler Perry Presents: Madea’s Mighty Ducks
Madea is back at it again, and this times she’s (record scratch) coaching pee wee hockey. Keenan Thompson reprises his role as knuckle puck king Russ Tyler and is now married to Madea (played by Tyler Perry). Tyler and Madea’s son, Stockton Malone (played by Jaden Smith) has just started rollerblading and playing street hockey with his friends in the inner city.
After not getting along at first, they form a team with some kids from the country and there’s a lot of barnyard “You can’t milk a pig Madea!” humor. Madea ends up having to coach the team after Russ suffers an extravagant cow milking accident that leaves him in one of those full body casts that you only see in movies. His son had not yet learned the secret to the knuckle puck, but he harnesses the skill for the winning goal in the final shootout when Madea whispers, “It isn’t in the knuckle or in the puck. It’s in you.”
Tim Burton’s Version: The Mighty Ducks 4: Edward Hockey Hands
Finally, Johnny Depp plays the role his neck was born to play: A pee wee hockey coach. The amount of scarves that man wears in real life makes this a perfect role for him. The Tim Burton version follows the story of a young boy who was hit by a car while playing street hockey. The accident left him with his stick permanently attached to his arm, and is explained in a stop motion animation flashback.
Johnny Depp helps Edward Hockey Hands learn to use his “disability” to his advantage, helping him get back on the ice and eventually leading his newfound friends to a pee wee championship. Also every scene will take place at night and around trees without leaves.
George Lucas’ Version: The Mighty Ducks IV: Return of Howard the Duck
This George Lucas production is a prequel to The Mighty Ducks Trilogy. We never got a chance to really experience a young Gordon Bombay having success while playing on the ice. We only got to see his failures in the Pee-Wees and his accomplishments coaching. This will feature Bombay’s athletic success in high school and will feature Harrison Ford as Gordon Bombay’s alcoholic high school coach.
Lucas will use the fact that the film franchise is titled The Mighty Ducks as an excuse to bring back a failed film and movie character he invented (Howard the Duck) back into cinema. Howard the Duck will play the assistant coach who takes over for Harrison Ford when Ford gets too drunk to coach the final championship game. We finally get to see Bombay redeem himself with a game-winning shot that doesn’t hit the crossbar after Howard tells him to “use the force.”
Michael Bay’s Version: The Mighty Ducks 4: Rise of the Zamboni
Charlie Conway and Gordon Bombay reunite and this time they aren’t just saving the ducks, they’re saving the human race. Megan Fox plays Conway’s love interest (Christy Caldwell) and has been dating him for six years. But Conway has been too busy coaching college hockey to pop the question.
Caldwell is an NHL sideline reporter who is taken captive by a Zamboni that has transformed into a havoc-wreaking robot named Zambonitron. The only way to defeat the machine is a perfect slap shot into its only puck sized weak spot. Conway convinces the government that soldiers will be useless against Zambonitron, which leads to a montage of Conway recruiting his former Ducks for help. Bombay and the Ducks team up, slap-shotting their way to save the earth. The last scene is Gordon Bombay blowing into the duck call after Christy and Charlie Conway say I do at their long-awaited wedding. Credits roll to Linkin Park music.
Disney’s Version: D4: The Mighty Ducks – They’re Quack at It Again
The opening scene shows many former Ducks walking somberly in the snow in what appears to be “The Flying V” formation. The camera pans out to show that they are carrying a casket. Charlie’s mom has passed away, as most parents do in the first few minutes of Disney movies, and his former team members have come to pay their respects. Gordon Bombay and Charlie are the last ones remaining at the grave site, when Charlie says, “I just wish I had something I could do to take my mind off her being gone.” Bombay smiles and says, “I think I’ve got just the thing” and then walks away. Conway smirks and sighs, “Bombay.” Title sequence begins.
Conway has been away from hockey and the ice for a few years, and has been working as a geometry teacher at a high school in Southern California. Bombay informs Conway that a new pee-wee hockey league is forming in California, and that they’re looking for the right coaches to get kids interested in ice hockey. Conway accepts the job and invites his students to come to the first hockey practice, but only his son and a few other misfits show up. With a little help from Bombay, Charlie slowly gets the reluctant kids to develop an interest and love for the game. Some technology-based humor will be worked in, with Conway yelling things like, “No cell phones on the ice! Ducks don’t play angry birds. They are angry birds.”
The newly-formed Ducks start getting better with each game from the help of Conway’s not-so-common coaching methods handed down to him from Bombay. The kids also receive lessons from a few former Ducks. Goldberg teaches the kids about goaltending, Luis Mendoza teaches speed, the Bash Brothers teach defensive techniques, and Adam Banks teaches the art of not being a cake eater. The final match takes place against a traveling Canadian team that had crushed them earlier in the season. The game comes down to a shootout where Charlie’s son makes the game-winning goal using the famous triple deke. Bombay and Conway exchange silent nodding smiles and the credits roll into the successful reboot of a franchise.
I still love The Mighty Ducks Trilogy, and I wouldn’t mind seeing a 4th one. All I ask is that they hire the same guy that created the best movie character name of all time “Gordon Bombay” to name any new characters.