I love Christmas and I love a good Christmas movie. Therefore, I decided to compile a list of some Christmas movies I’d like to see next year around Christmas season. Take some notes, Hallmark Channel.
A Tinder Christmas Carol
College fraternity member Ebenezer Swipe (Zach Efron) is constantly cold to the profiles he views on his Tinder app, and rarely swipes to the right when viewing women’s profiles. He is soon visited by three ghosts: Tinder Past, Tinder Present, and Tinder Future.
Tinder Past shows all of the people that he’s previously swiped left on, and how beautiful they are in real life. Tinder Present shows him some of the girls that he’s swiped right on over the past few days. He sees them looking at his profile laughing hysterically, and doing horrible things throughout the day like hashtagging pictures of their breakfast. Tinder Future shows him old and alone without any matches, because he refused to swipe right for a match so many times. When he awakens he springs out of his bed and begins to swipe right based on people’s bios and not on their pictures alone exclaiming, “I shall no longer be so quick to swipe left!”
Yule Logs Out Of the Closet
The son (who is named Yule and played by Dave Franco) of a construction worker comes home for Christmas with a friend (Josh Hutcherson) that he introduces to his family as “just a friend who didn’t have a place to go for the holidays.” Yule hides the fact that he’s gay from his family, and especially from his borderline alcoholic, blue-collar father (Nicolas Cage).
While visiting, Yule’s boyfriend Matt spends some time bonding with Yule’s dad constructing some stage props for the church’s upcoming Christmas play. Yule’s father is glad to see that Matt knows so much about construction, and Matt hides the fact that he learned most of it from watching decorating shows. There’s a pivotal scene where Yule’s mom (Sandra Bullock) realizes he’s gay and while he’s cleaning out some things from his old closet she whispers to him knowingly, “Yule why don’t you just come out of the closet?” Eventually his father finds out on Christmas Eve and struggles to comprehend the fact that his son is gay. After talking to a wise bartender at the local bar, he realizes that love conquers all.
A Homeless Soup Kitchen Christmas
Two homeless people (Aaron Paul and Charlize Theron) meet at a soup kitchen and fall in love over common interests like smoking crystal meth and getting blind drunk on cheap vodka. There’s a scene where Paul’s character says, “I want to show you something beautiful” and he brings her to a place underneath a bridge that is hidden from the police. They eventually clean up their act and land jobs working at the soup kitchen where they originally met.
MistleFinger
Nicolas Cage plays a veteran in the not so distant future who returns home from war without his left hand after losing it in a nearly fatal missile explosion. He later meets a radical surgeon who says he can replace his fingers with his toes. The doctor warns him that the procedure has never been done before and that he could end up losing his toes as well. However, if the procedure goes well, he could regain full use of his toe fingers. He and his wife (Keri Russell) tussle with the risk of the decision.
There’s a downward spiral that ensues when Keri Russell’s character tells him how she loves him just the way he is, but he responds with, “Well maybe I don’t love myself.” A week before Christmas he prays for a sign. While at a holiday party the next day, their son (think Billy Gilman circa year 2000) exclaims, “Look dad, Mistletoe! You and mom have to kiss now!” They kiss and Cage realizes moments later that “missile toe” was the sign he was looking for. He goes through with the surgery and ends up gaining full functionality of his hand.
Now, get to work Hollywood! Well, I guess I should probably just say get to work Hallmark Channel.
For more articles, you can like my Facebook page.