Entertainment
by Thomas on January 20, 2014

It comes as no surprise to any of us that drug usage can hinder your ability to make the right choices. From acid to Xanax, drugs that are used recreationally can make you do things that normally you would only see on Jackass. Like climbing the side of a building just to see if you can be the next Spider-man. That would be a bad idea.

Before we begin exploring the many dumb things that can happen while using drugs, we must first point out that you should probably not try any of these before consulting with your…actually, do what you want, this is America. #YOLO

25. Dress Like An Asshole

It does not even matter which drug you are on, if you are high and need to get dressed, you will end up looking like an asshole. Fact.

24. Eat Taco Bell

What is it about Taco Bell that makes us want to flock to them at 3am? Oh wait, it probably has something to do with the amount of tacos you can purchase for fewer than 5 dollars or all the fun you can have staring at the menu of endless choices.

23. Listen To Pink Floyd

Pink Floyd is one of the greatest rock bands to ever roam the planet. You don’t have to be on drugs to know this. But when you are high and the one thing you crave is a 13-minute song that can put you into a relaxation coma, Pink Floyd is the only answer.

22. Do Nothing

I went to this party a few years ago and people were doing certain drugs in the other rooms. Now at the time I had no clue what was going on except for this one guy who sat on the couch for six hours and didn’t move once. He sat there with a smile the entire night and was the happiest person in the room just doing nothing.

21. Create The Most Incredible Artwork

Creativity comes from all around. Just because someone creates art when they are on drugs doesn’t mean they can’t do it sober. Sometimes it is just better the first way.

20. Go To Festivals in the Desert

Burning Man. That is what I am talking about. I have seen some of the most amazing and some of the most insane people in my life at Burning Man. The drug use rate is around 130% so be careful because everyone is there partying and high as giraffe ass.

19. Play Musical Instruments

You never have to be good at something to love it. Sex is the first example that comes to mind. Musical instruments would be the next because, when you are high, you can play just about anything and enjoy the crap out of it.

18. Buy Things on EBay

EBay is a son of a bitch when you are high. Stay away at all costs. A buddy of mine once purchased a signed photo of Yoda and Darth Vader playing checkers. The seller signed it and the picture was a drawing he made. It was terrible. My buddy paid ten times what it was worth because he thought it was the greatest thing ever put on paper.

17. Fall Asleep Anywhere

Have you ever seen someone who is obviously high try and do something normal only to fall asleep standing up? I have. I have seen grown men fall asleep in line at the grocery store before the cashier had to throw a pack of gum at them to see if they would move.

16. Lick Things

People licking people are only sexy when pornstars do it in the privacy of my laptop. So when people start licking things instead of people, gross. Why do high people do this?

15. Become an Expert, on Everything

The one drug that can make you an instant expert on everything is cocaine. If you know someone who takes it, ask them anything and watch the fun. They are so full of shit it is always. I should have said, “thinks” they are an expert.

14. Forget How to Use a Toilet

If you get high and do stupid things, do us one really big favor, find a toilet before going to the bathroom. Don’t be the guy that pisses in the closet or poops in the mailbox. It isn’t funny and you will end up crapping on all your stuff.

13. Laugh at Everything

Did you want to become a comedian? If so, don’t practice around your high friends. They will laugh at anything you say and when you finally grow the moxie to get on stage you will have tomatoes tossed at your head.

12. Get Awesome Tattoos

A tattoo artist should not be allowed to give someone a tattoo if they are obviously high but there are some that will do it anyways. And to those, we thank you. You give people some of the greatest tattoos ever drawn on skin. From a David Hasselhoff mug shot to a picture of a butterfly eating ants, high people tattoos are amazing to see.

11. Watch the Wall for Hours

The difference between watching the wall for hours and doing nothing is that doing nothing requires no thought process at all while watching the wall requires you to use your entire brain to focus on that and only that. Go ahead and try it if you don’t believe me.

10. Talk About Aliens

Aliens exist to people on drugs. The quicker you understand this, the better off you will be when your buddies come over next time and want to get high. Make sure you have that green sheet ready to spook them to death, it’ll be awesome.

9. Watch Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Classic. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is a great movie, period. But because of the content of the film, people that use drugs tend to watch it over and over and over again.

8. Turn Into Zombies

It appears that bath salts are better left in the tub. Some of the worst stories of drug use related to bath salts involve men in diapers, men in lingerie having sex with goats, and also eating people’s faces. 

7. Speak to Imaginary People

Drugs can get you high and make you feel like you are flying. They can also make you forget all your troubles. But they can also make you hallucinate. Ever wondered why someone was talking to themselves? If they are high, they aren’t. They are talking to their little buddy.

6. Drink Alcohol

Alcohol is fun to drink. It can turn a wallflower into the life of a party. So when people start using drugs, they tend to be around parties or other people that party so the alcohol is everywhere. You can end up playing Russian roulette in a basement but mixing alcohol with drugs is just another dumb thing high people do.

5. Come Up With Great Ideas Only To Forget Them Later

There is a cure for cancer, AIDS, and Polio. Someone, somewhere, figured it out a long time ago while partying with some friends but simply forgot to write it down. How many ideas have you come up with that could change the world but failed to remember the next day?

4. Have Sex, Lots of It

People love sex, high or not. Sex is awesome. It is fun, therapeutic, amazing, and beneficial to your body. But on drugs, those senses can intensify and the sex you use to have becomes second fiddle to the new feeling of high sex.

3. Win Every Bet, Ever

This is a fun one for sober people that hang around drug users. If you have ever tried it, you already know about it. You can get a lot of people that are high to pretty much do whatever you tell them they can’t do. So save those incredibly awesome bets for the next moment you have this opportunity. Because they will gladly accept. And fail.

2. Dance, Dance, Dance

Now not all drugs will make you want to get out and dance but a few specific ones come to mind (cough, cough…Molly). Those people rocking out become the next great dance sensation of the world.

1. Egg Your Next-Door Neighbor’s House

Why? Just why? What would possess someone to egg their neighbor’s house? Didn’t Justin Bieber know the first rule of egging is to make sure the person can’t trace it back to you? This dude didn’t even have to leave his living room. Wow.

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