Entertainment
by Reggie Noble on February 24, 2012

One drink:

  • Billy Crystal attempts to sing
  • Billy Crystal mentions his age
  • Someone praises Meryl Streep
  • Meryl Streep is rendered speechless
  • Harvey Weinstein is mentioned
  • Billy Crystal mentions his height
  • Billy Crystal inserts himself into movie footage

Two drinks:

  • Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie PDA
  • Jean Dujardin raises an eyebrow
  • Jean Dujardin kisses someone
  • Any cut away to George Clooney
  • Comment about the show's length
  • Acceptance speech is cut off by music
  • Vampires are mentioned
  • Joke about Ricky Gervais
  • Someone thanks God
  • Someone thanks their agent
  • Someone thanks their parents
  • Someone gets politicial
  • Dragon tattoo joke
  • Weight of statue is noted
  • Brett Ratner mentioned
  • Eddie Murphy mentioned
  • Michael Douglas gets a shoutout

Three drinks:

  • The Artist doesn't win best picture
  • Someone aplogizes for their poor English
  • Michael Douglas doesn't get a shoutout
  • Billy Crystal makes you laugh
  • You're tempted to mention how bushy Martin Scorcese's eyebrows are
  • You fear that one day you'll accidentally watch “The Help”
  • You realize you've actually seen “The Help”
  • You realize Jonah Hill has lost, like, a lot of weight
  • Sacha Baron Cohen shows up

Drink everything in the house and go loot the city:

  • Sacha Baron Cohen shows up as The Dictator
  • “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” wins Best Picture

Of course, if you get bored, you can just do this: