9. Ultimately Ari will realize he's not cut out for the overall Time Warner game — shareholders aren't happy, etc. — so he demotes himself to the head of Warner Bros, with E as his number two, and they all move back to LA where they belong.
10. Again, other than a few set pieces, I wouldn't expect a lot of the shenanigans from the earlier seasons. They clearly moved the show away from that stuff. The only clue that has been offered about the movie plot itself is Mark Wahlberg saying that they'll spend some time running around Europe, which admittedly I'm not sure how that works into anything I wrote above. I definitely think things will pick up a year later, not immediately after Vince's wedding in Paris. Maybe HBO shoots Vince's "Band of Brothers"-esque miniseries in Romania or something. Maybe Drama is cast in a Woody Allen or Roman Polanski movie. Yeah, probably not.
Andy: I listened to the below song 14 times while writing this post. Tonight, when I try to sleep, my brain is just going to go "You know I need you DES-PER-ATELY" over and over and over again.
Worth it. Great song. You should use it as a soundtrack while reading these seven theories on the film (and I should point out that I really loved the show, despite how much I make fun of it below):
1. Vince and Alice will not be married when this movie begins. There's no fucking way. That relationship was an absolute disaster that derailed the final season—no reasoning was given, really, for why this girl would cause Vince to act antithetical to how he's acted for more or less the entire show's history—and the writers will ensure Vince is single again before the events of the movie's plot even begin. Mark Wahlberg has already alluded to that being the case, actually.
2. The marriage's end will be explained away with one line. The gang will be strutting in slow motion after grabbing tacos or something, and E will go, "Hey Vince, have you talked to Alice lately?" Then Vince will start to say something, but Turtle will interrupt and say, "Pshh what's the point? She's probably bangin' some other actor by now" and he'll laugh at his own joke. And then Vince will start to say something again, but Drama will go, "Well thank God for these Hollywood annulments, ammirite BABY BRO?" And then there will be a cut to a party where Vince is slamming a model.
("Entourage" will go down in history as the all-time best at the "Major Plot Development Is Summed Up with One Comment" situations. The undisputed master.)
3. Vince needs a new way to come THIS-CLOSE to ruining his career. He's already almost screwed it up in a whole legion of different ways: Becoming a coke head who dated Sasha Grey in the final season, going through a prima donna phase on "Smoke Jumpers," turning into an even more terrible actor on "Medellin," and, finally, presumably temporarily dropping 40 IQ points in the third season, which caused him to turn down "Aquaman 2."
We've run the gamut here. For the "Entourage" film, the writers will have to find something new—something big—that will jeopardize Vince's career and cause him to almost not "do the movie."
4.Vince will start receiving texts and Twitter messages from a groupie. She's really hot, and Vince, naturally, will begin returning the messages. Sparks fly. It's Internet love. Turtle grows concerned about his friend, though, when she refuses to accompany Vince to a gala for Avión Tequila. He insists that Vince go on the TV show "Catfish" and find out if the girl is real. Vince takes the advice—which is terrible, terrible advice—and he appears on a very special episode. The big reveal? The hot girl was actually Mark Cuban the entire time. Vince breaks down and begins to cry.
Chase's marketability is gone. How will he convincingly appear on an action movie when it's been discovered that he had an eight-month relationship with Mark Cuban? What girl wants to see him play a love interest in a romantic comedy now? He's ruined. He's Te'o'ed.
5. Vince has to get his swagger back. He teams up with his agent, Ari (who's turned down the studio job because he's still in love with DAT ASS), and his brother, Drama, and the trio develops a new microbudget indie film with director Billy Walsh that will be gritty and violent and possibly will be shot in black and white. It will be great.
6. The guys take the film to the Venice Film Festival (after a quick detour in Las Vegas and a great 10-minute scene featuring Drama negotiating hooker rates), where Vince and Ari will attempt to pitch the indie to studios that don't want to touch the un-marketable actor and the failed agent who turned down a studio job. But they're persistent. There's one scene where Ari jumps from gondola to gondola while trying to chase Harvey Weinstein. There's another where Vince attempts to seduce a 50-year-old studio head who's a total cougar. And when nothing works, they bribe a theater attendant into switching reels from the big Dicaprio movie to Vince's movie, and it's so moving and powerful that no one notices. The film is bought for millions, and then Paul Thomas Anderson, Quentin Tarantino, and Steven Spielberg all get in a fist fight trying to sign Vince to their next movies.
7. Everyone gets laid.
(Except for E, because he's spent the entire movie fighting with Sloan and neglecting his child. You suck, E.)