The dive bar is slowly dying. Everyone except on TV and in movies. The small and big screen are home to some of the best bars ever. Unfortunately, those watering holes don’t actually exist. But oh if they did…
While I’m in a good spirit, I thought I would include this very important paragraph:
SPOILER ALERT: The real bars don’t exist although we wish they did, hence why I’m writing this in the first place. If these bars did exist, it would be like drinking a beer in God’s vagina (sorry God) so there are a select few cliché bars that do exist and I decided to leave them out on purpose. And because I know if I walked into Cheers one day, everybody would really have no clue what my fuckin’ name is and I would have to write about how there slogan is shot to shit.
So bring on anything that sounds remotely like: “Umm, way to be an asshole and leave out Bars X, Y and Z!”
I know that some of these bars are the names of bars that do exist in our cities, states and maybe some very cool basements. Some of them are exact replicas. Just because some guy thought it would be a cool idea to open a bar and name it after that bar from that show they fell in love with hardly makes it have a fraction of the coolness of the real thing.
All of these bars are awesome in there own special way. I don’t think Jon Taffer would agree to rescue any of them BUT on the other hand I do think Mr. Taffer would sit down and enjoy at least one beer in each and every one of these bars just to say he could – just like we have always wanted to do. The only difference is that we would never leave.
In no particular order, here are sixteen fictional bars we really wish existed.
Paddy’s Pub – It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
You can be at the same bar as Danny DeVito, The Penguin. Enough Said.
Own The Show Now!
The Alibi Room – Shameless
You pay your tab once a year; drink cheap Maker’s Mark and have the opportunity to talk to a man named Frank Gallagher, all in which are in true Shameless fashion.
Schnitzengiggle Tavern – BeerFest
It’s, “The greatest beer in all zee world.” This homemade German-style beer must be pretty damn good if this is what it does to everyone that drinks it at “The Schnitz.”
McLaren’s Pub – How I Met Your Mother
If Doogie Howser can get ass here every night…so can we.
The Goat House Bar – Blue Mountain State
Can someone tell me why this show canceled?
The Drunken Clam – Family Guy
Featuring a cripple, a creep and Peter Griffin. This place is too good to be true.
Own The Show Now!
Otter’s Bedroom Bar – Animal House
This is what got these guys laid and someone had the balls to take it away from them? Not cool.
The Fish Taco Bar– I Love You Man
Drunk food at it’s finest.
Johnny Drama’s – Entourage
Johnny Drama is a great bar owner let alone one of the best characters HBO has ever given us. His bar would not only be a great time because of his overall presence and almost every drink being “on the house,” BUT also because of his ability to make everyone’s day a little brighter by telling one of his hysterically-awesome life experiences.
Firefighter’s Bar — Rescue Me
I’m thinking the girl to guy ratio at this bar is about 4:1. If you’re not a firefighter, no need to worry, just do what any of the characters would probably do and make up a believable-heroic-badass-story so you can get some easy ass. Hopefully your story doesn’t involve a shotgun.
Coyote Ugly – Coyote Ugly
Old movie, same hot girls. (And yes, I know this existed before there was ever a movie.)
The Bar from The League – The League
Does anyone know the name of this bar?
Own The Series Now!
Moe’s Tavern – The Simpsons
Prank phone calls never get old here.
Sonny’s Bar – Bronx Tale
Whether it’s some Mafia gambling, parental advice or beating the shit out of disrespectful bikers, it’s safe to say that shit gets real at Sonny’s Bar.
The Abbey – Green Street Hooligans
Take an American Frat, put them in England and make them obsessed with soccer and blowing bubbles and you’ve got The Abbey.
Shaboom’s – Eastbound & Down
Kenny Powers is right up there with Johnny Drama. When life gives you lemons, say fuck the lemons and go to Sha-Booms!