They Did What With The Dogs?
Texas A&M is very very proud of their athletic programs. The athletes are given all the latest breakthroughs in technology to give them the ability to dominate during the game. The community has rallied around the Aggies in a way that is rare to see. Extremely rare, in fact. All of the dogs that serve as mascots for the school are given a ritualistic burial when they die. They are all buried with their paws and noses pointed upwards towards the scoreboard in a graveyard near the stadium so they can always see The Aggies winning. Also, when these dogs die… thousands attend their funerals.
The Arkansas Deaf Leopards
If at all possible, you want your mascot.. whether it's the mascot of a sports team or an erectile dysfunction medicine TO ROCK. The Arkansas School for The Deaf knows that. The Arkansas Deaf Leopards were born making them the most awesomely rockin' mascot of all time.
One Delicious Mascot
Mascots are measured for various criteria. They are expected to be entertaining. It's necessary sometimes for them to be extremely athletic. One thing that typically never comes into play though is how delicious they are. The Texas Longhorns team of 1920 was a hungry bunch and decided to test their mascot Bevo for taste. They ate him at a banquet that year. Poor, innocent, succulent, well-marbled Bevo.
Hitchcock and the MGM Lion
Alfred Hitchcock was the man back in his day, so much so that he is being immortalized with his own biopic starring Sir Anthony Hopkins. He was the kind of tubby guy who could land mad amounts of ass. He directed countless classic horror and suspense movies… but he also played a more vital role in Hollywood and it often comes unnoticed. You know that terrifying lion that kicks off all MGM movies? That lion got the fu*k directed out of him by Hitchcock himself.
The USPS Mascot is Hardcore
The United States Postal Service, until recently was extremely important for communication. If you needed to talk to someone that wasn't in a 3 block radius of you… you had to go through them. Like anything that's vital… they needed a mascot. Owney would fill that role. He was a stray mixed terrier who lived a long glorious life. A life that was cut short when Owney had become aggressively pissed off in his old age and bit a Postal worker. He was promptly shot after the incident… seriously.
Hawaiian Punch Was a Violent Beverage
Hawaiian Punch has been unusually delicious drink for decades. In 1934, it was created by a guy who was trying to invent a new ice cream topping. He found out that it was one hell of a thirst quencher when you mixed it with water and Hawaiian Punch was born It would need a mascot, however. So they of course came up with Punchy, the Hawaiian guy who would punch everything from horses to children right in their smartass thirsty mouth.
Vengeance by Mascot
Further education these days has become big business. The skyrocketing cost of tuition, as well as merchandising a winning sports franchise help Universities generate millions in revenue. The Scottsdale Community College has a mascot… it's an artichoke. Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of your opponent quite like a quality dip ingredient. The students named this mascot after the school used money intended for scholarships on athletic equipment. Enjoy your weight bench mighty artichokes, enjoy your weight bench.
Capn Crunch's Real Name Is
Cap'n Crunch is a legendary cereal. It is one of those old school cereals that has made it's mark on generations. That mark of course was the horrible scarring of mouth roofs due to the deadly design of the impenetrable tasty cereal nuggets. Leading this path of oral destruction was the sinister Cap'n Crunch. Little is known of this cereal-slinging sailor… except his real name which is actually Horatio Magellan Crunch.
The Mascot That Wouldn't Die
Timothy the Tortoise was the mascot who served as the face of the British Navy during the Crimean War. That was a war that happened in 1854. Timothy stuck with his gravy mascot gig for quite some time too. In fact… he served in the role for over 40 years, until 1892. The guy even got to enjoy retirement since he didn't die until 2004. That tortoise had seen some real sh*t.
The Baltimore Ravens Have The Most Poetic Mascots
Baltimore. If you've seen the HBO series 'The Wire,' you know that it is definitely a city that you don't really want to go to. There's no need. Omar has it all under control there. But they do have an NFL team. The Ravens are a respected sporting franchise and have a seriously intellectual mascot representation. Their mascots are actually three ravens named Edgar, Allen and Poe. No word on how the team mentally deals with being mentally tormented by the haunting birds.
Like gettin learned up? Check out these other articles by Andy about stuff you didn't know!
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