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The 10 Sexiest Post-Apocalyptic Reality Hotties

By / 08.10.12

Milla Jovovich- 'Resident Evil'

All bros owe Ms. Jovovich a debt of gratitude. Not only does she do things in this franchise like kill reanimated corpses and other mutated creatures… but she does it often times wearing outfits so sexy and tactically impractical– that we should observe a minute of silence every day out of respect for what she has done. God bless you Milla Jovovich, any true bro would be proud to get it on with you in abandoned buildings, while running from beasts and watching things explode!

Jennifer Lawrence (pictured at the top)- 'The Hunger Games'

Sweet Jesus,. if you have to end up on the wrong end of an arrow during an annual festival of slaughter, we could only hope the person with the bow was even half as bangable and Jennifer Lawrence. She would be a perfect person to party with in this harsh reality of famine and class warfare. She's awesome at camping, so she's probably down to do psychedelics with you in the forest AND she could most likely make sure you didn't get lost or stung by a genetically modified wasp. Jennifer, you deserve to find a good bro and let him see your freshly shaved Katniss.

Moon Bloodgood (SERIOUSLY HER NAME) – 'Terminator: Salvation'

Terminators are scary. We checked with the scientists down in the la-bro-tory and fear is impossible to experience when you have a violent raging erection. You can't argue with science and you also can't argue with mindless killing machine. She plays the badass terminator destroying Lt. Blair Williams. The Terminator reality is a truly brutal one… so having an actual f*cking last name like Bloodgood gives you an added sense of credibility. Moon Bloodgood, you really take the edge off of fighting a brutal cybernetic death machine.


Carrie Ann Moss – The Matrix Trilogy

The  machines and the trickery of The Matrix are powerless against a strong desire to bump uglies with a pretty lady. Carrie-Ann Moss' character in the franchise, Trinity is a truly fearless ass-kicking Matrix warrior. Which is a great name for the character since her leather attire makes the average bro three times as cripplingly depressed from the realization that they will never hit that.

Rose Byrne – '28 Weeks Later'

28 weeks later is a terrifyingly accurate look at a post-apocalyptic reality with diseased, rage crazed and mindless murderous freaks. It takes you to a truly hopeless place filled with fear. Then, Rose Byrne shows up and reminds you that if there is no more world… there are no more hot chicks. A world without hot chicks is a world where a bro has truly nothing to lose.

Mila Kunis – 'The Book of Eli'

It doesn't matter what apocalypse scenario; zombies, robots, robot zombie wasps who mentally control tarantulas–we would gladly brave the trials for a chance to make sweet tender love to our beloved Mila. So, her character in 'The Book of Eli' is memorable. Sure you can't remember what lines of dialogue she had in the movie… but dammit–we were happy when she was on the screen. Mila, it would be an honor to kick it with you while protecting you from cannibals.

Estella Warren – 'Planet of The Apes'

The cool thing about living in a world ruled by humanoid ape creatures, is the fact that when you run into a hot human slave-girl you have it all over those damned monkeys in the looks department. Even the homeliest of bros would beat out a 7 foot tall orangutan, for the love a the sexy Estella Warren. Studies have shown that throwing feces is a major turnoff for the ladies.

Sarah Polley – 'Dawn of The Dead'

If you're stuck in a world ravaged by cannibalistic zombies, a hot chick hanging with you will serve as incentive to not just sit down and let the zombies turn you into a buffet. Sarah Polley plays a badass nurse who helps a group of folks trying to survive the horror. Also, her character is a nurse and roleplaying might aid in helping you get turned on since nothing kills a boner quite like a hungry horde of zombies!

Emily VanCamp – 'Carriers'

In the movie 'Carriers' Emily VanCamp plays a member of a group of survivors in a world destroyed by a ravenous virus. So, the cool thing here is that if you are in this particular reality with Emily VanCamp, she probably isn't going to give two sh*ts about that nasty case of crabs you got right before the disaster. Crabs are totally not as bad as the disease in the movie.

Emma Stone – 'Zombieland'

You will have a difficult time trying to find a hotter chick than Emma Stone to be stuck with in Zombieland, she does come at a price. Her character travels around with her little sister… and the c*ck-blocking factor is even more frustrating than being chased by the undead. Emma's character is definitely a double-edged sword, but if you save her little sister from say… a clown zombie–you're guaranteed to enter the bone-zone!

The end of the world is full of despair, fear, hardship and nightmare scenarios that some will have a hard time truly grasping… but as long a super sexy vixen is kicking it with you the whole time… it can't be that bad at all!


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Andy Green
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